Smile with ease

Ever thought at some point of time in life, smiling is difficult?

These few years in secondary school have been hard on me.

I don't know if it's the same for everyone, but for me it has been difficult. Really tough and that made me miss times where it had been easier.

In primary school.

This was the first day I finally couldn't stand it anymore, and met up with one of my favourite people on earth.

I don't have many close friends, I don't have many Indian friends more so.

And I don't have AT ALL an Indian friend that I enjoy spending my time with.

After all, I don't usually hang around many Indians.

Okay straight to the point.

I found one. Very special friend, who has always been there but I was so off tracked from how my life's suppose to be that I forgot about these people that really cared.

That's her. I spent two whole days with her and got reminded how exactly it was like in primary school.

And how life shouldn't be like how it is.

Full of crap and insincerity everywhere.

Just thinking of it makes my stomach churn.

Disgusting.

Finally letting go of myself felt so unreal, but it was so good.

Who cares if I acted like a public nuisance and laughed a little too loudly?

Who cares if I sat with my legs wide open again and then stuck out at awkward angles?

Who cares if I became that "aunty" I was back then?

I am so much more happier than that prim and proper girl I am nowadays.

So much better than smile and trying to force dimples out of my face because that's how you win bitches.

Hell lot better than deliberately smiling and putting on that fake show and pretense.

Seriously, everyone knows you're faking it girls, why still stretch your mouth in that hideous looking smile?

You might just accidentally look like a toad with your wide mouth and all.

Go and shop and waste your money.

Go and save up just for that one trip you can spend with those fake friends and compare whose wallet is the heaviest.

Go and eat slowly in small bites even though your mouth is obviously big and you are damn hungry.

I'll spend no money at all with my true friend climbing trees and screaming like mad a woman.

I would fly a frisbee and I would run in the field.

At the end of the day I've got sweat and a whole new experience, I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THOSE BAGS OF CLOTHES.

Anyway what's so exciting about hanging out with a bunch of friends that you know doesn't really care.

and if you're gonna die, they would be the first to say goodbye?

Why not just do stupid things that you have never done before, and laugh at how stupid you really are?

Why not just hang out with someone who saw the ugliest side of you and laugh at it, but still treats you like you're the prettiest?

I think those people who love to ask me which clique I'm from.

Or love to tell me that I suck because I don't have a clique.

You know what?

Who cares about a stupid group of laughing bitches when you've got those few good friends?

Good old friends that don't make clique tees with you, but you feel like a part of their lives.

Good old friends that don't buy friendship bands with you but you feel assured nonetheless that if you need help, they'll be there.

What's so great about a clique if it's just like a circus group putting up a clown show?

All I care about when going out with REAL friends is "why does time not stop for us?"

And sitting down and doing nothing is like the best thing on earth.

Laughing at almost everything is also the best thing on earth.

Call me mad by all means, it's time you all knew me.

That was what I was before I entered this situation where a simple thing like smiling is so difficult.

Where being real and loud means attracting attention and noisy.

Back then in primary school, even if it were noise, it was pleasant noise.

Let me tell you this.

I hate trees and the greenery but that place up there is just fucking awesome?

Maybe it's just the company but I never thought being under the sun and being burnt would be so fun.

Never thought that being all sticky and wet (oops sounds wrong) would be so satisfying and not at all bothering.

Never thought that I would ever get the days where I went under the sun without being worried I might just transform into a nigga in my "friends" eyes.

That was today because I got addicted to the smiles that came easily.

Why the hell are we so lame? XD

Writing on the sand, Shakespeare possessed?

Well I got even more tan if anything.

You could see where exactly was my bra stripe because that's like the only white strip left on me :D

The perfect lighting on the beach.

While we played in the water we saw something in the water.

I swear there was something we both saw it.

And we were freaking out pulling each other's hand and screaming

"It's coming! It's coming!"

And then we pretended it was something dangerous and laughed our asses off.

PAO, if you're reading this, I think that was a white cock (haha inside joke)

No matter how hard you try, you can never go against the currents -.-

I tried so many times to stand straight on one leg and failed so many times.

It's a wonder how I didn't fall flat on my face in the water

so all in all, July has been a great month to me besides the fact that I never did study much.

Should really stop slacking or I'll have to worry about my examinations.

But on a side note, there is something else I want to talk about.

People has been asking me:"what is the type of guys that you like?"

Actually it's easy.

Girls stop pretending you don't like hot guys and it's all about personality.

That's bullshit, personality matters but if the guy is ugly, you all would just go "eew". Or scream "NEVER" to them being your boyfriends.

This man would love you a lot, and he has a never ending supply of "water" for you, why not marry him?

I'm sorry but I'm into hot guys. It would be best if the burn me alive.

I know, burn in hell cynthia, but I love guys that are just hot, simple, just make me drool and you've got me.

Ofcourse you've to fucking make me happy for me to like you.

I mean if I fall asleep at the thought of you, no matter how much you love me, it'll be useless.

Because I don't want to yawn on a date.

I don't want to have to laugh at your not so funny jokes.

So you better be humorous.

Don't ask me questions like this:" are you tired?" Then answer it yourself "because you've ran through my mind for 5 hours!"

Seriously the guy who told me this, now you know I find it freaking stupid to use pick up lines like that.

THEY ARE AS GOOD AS TELLING ME : you know what, I have nothing to say.

Then you know what? Fuck off hahahahahah, I don't like you and I never will.

Oh and if you are so stupid I have to laugh at you, it doesn't count okay.

Confidence. Please don't tell me: I don't deserve you.

Then you really don't.

Whether or not you deserve me is base on what you do.

I mean if I like you then you managed to win my heart if I don't then you failed, and you suck?

Simple. Please don't say I'm stuck up and ignore some people that actually want my attention.

You want it? Come get it. Don't stand there and camouflage with the wall and expect me to see you.

I'm just like that, I'm never nice.

So if you're super bad and super horrible, you might just be my type.

Lastly, there's no type actually xD

If I see you and like you then there's nothing that can make me not like you unless the feelings just fade.

If I saw you and you turn me off, then what can I do?

It's like a dick sagging and the sight of someone they don't like.

Guys you understand?

Oh and the most frustrating thing on earth is that it so happens that the guys you like just don't give a fuck about you no matter how you try to away your butt infront of him xD

But those guys that you just don't wanna see, they wag their tails and expect you to love them back. No boy, it doesn't work that way!

I want HIM, not you.

Done, goodbye I need to study.

5 July 2014

Singapore