Little is bigger than a lot.

Sometimes, I wish you did those little things you found useless instead of those surprisingly touching big things.

Because at least when you did those little things, you have so much more to give after that, and after that, and then after that again.

Now, you give me one happy moment,

And I pay for the rest of the time.

You used to be gentle to me.

Your words were gentle,

Your gaze were gentle,

You touch was gentle.

Does time really devalue things?

Because you never took care of the words anymore.

You never looked at me like I was breakable; you even stabbed me time and again and never stopped despite me begging you for mercy.

You shove me, you touch me carelessly, you make fun of me. You touch the ugliest spots and was never gentle about it, you never said I'm sorry you feel these are ugly.

But I love them.

You used to love me, take care of me. I was so scared of breaking and you were there to be even more afraid than me.

No. You are a man already.

Perhaps you realised all those flaws I was saying at the start, those that you told me so proudly and surely that you loved them, really does make me ugly.

Perhaps we should give up.

I just hope you remember,

Who has always just been waiting for that love from you,

For that love that was so short lived.

I know love hurts, but I thought it was simply just that.

I was willing to do it for you. 

But I learnt it doesn't work both ways.

You know those guys in shows that says they'll clean away the tears?

You used to be that.

How beautiful crying was, to me. 

Why doesn't it work the same now?

29 August 2015

Singapore 

Growing up.

Sometimes you wish you were that little girl skipping along while carrying the school bag too large for her.

You wish you could make all those choices all over again, and you wish you could grow up all over again.

Life, what is it?

It is such a mysterious thing such that everyone got onto earth without a choice and they leave, and don't get to stay as long as they want.

They say it takes a lot of fate to meet someone in life. Actually, it sure is. But then why there is something called hatred. Why do we hate those people we meet out of the billions on earth?

And why do I feel like I wish I didn't meet my whole entire polytechnic class. I wish I could restart my life?

This old man was sitting alone at a garden staring into the blank space.

He did that for 2 hours and more without fidgeting.

Is that what age does to you? It numbs you and make you so used to the things around you, you don't find the need to do something different, or even move.

When you get closer and closer to death; would time really matter so much?

Or it would just mean nothing but a ticking clock.

I wonder if the hardships I face now will ever be washed away by experiences and time.

If it would, then I hope it's not because the future would hurt much more.

When someone is asleep, is he really unconscious?

Because I feel like I want to sleep forever, and be oblivious to time, but conscious to love.

People, I just feel that there's always a reason to be happy, but there's always tons to be unhappy about.

Don't let go of the one who could give you the one reason to be happy. Especially even when he's unconscious of his effect on you.

15 August 2015

Singapore