Experience in Singapore

As a Singaporean, experiencing Singapore is something I do daily.

My entire life.

Let's say, it's not something very enjoyable SOMETIMES.

Ofcourse the friends and some people I meet here are awesome, but also from people here I've grown to despise the Asian culture.

BUT these are purely my own opinions. It could be disregarded if you don't agree.

This morning I was waiting for the MRT (train).

it came out on the news once that Singaporeans have improved their attitude and have learnt to queue while waiting for the MRT.

oh yes maybe they have.

But the typical Singaporean aunty i was very unfortunate to have met this morning, shoved her way through to the front once the trained arrive. Everyone queing at the side of the MRT door had to let her in first.

Not that it's a big matter.

It's just annoying how people say elders have more experience and their words and actions deserve respect and recognition.

I have to say, that is pure rubbish.

Ofcourse, it is the ideal case that people who've lived longer would've gained enough lessons in life to act as a role model to younger people like me.

But no, some people in Singapore would act as evidence AGAINST the above.

maybe we should start looking at the western culture and see that the parents and elders there actually believe they have to earn the respect and love of the younger.

Instead of just thinking they deserve it.

No hard feelings.

But if the shoes fits, wear it. (If you think I'm talking about you, you ought to be ashamed)

Secondly, is the issue of displaying affection in public.

I'm a happy girl in her teens that just got together with a guy that I feel I am in love with.

Something I feel I am proud of.

Something that definitely could be known by others.

What the hell is wrong with SOME Asians and their discrimination against affection in public.

Oh c'mon, it's not like I'm appearing nude in public.

it makes me think some people are too lonely and sad in their pathetic cavemen life that they feel the need to be unhappy about others display of affection.

In fact, it's hardly even a display if we're just minding our own business and being in our own world of teenage love.

Mind your own business please.

We have our rights.

This typical aunty (definitely a Singaporean aka asian) was giving us death glares and muttering under her breath on how we should go home to do whatever we wanna do.

I really hope you're reading this AUNTY, I do not agree with what you said. It is very ignorant of you to say that. YOU are the one that needs to go home if others happiness cause displeasure in you.

SHAME on you.

I have great respect for parents and elders with OPEN mindsets.

I have met elders who actually believe that we youngsters could just be as wise and deserve just as much respect as them.

Elders who actually believe that we know our limits.

Seriously, those aunties(typical Singaporean THICK SKINNED aunties) should probably learn from youngsters.

There's a Chinese saying 不耻下问

If you need an advise on how to be less ignorant to how the society have changed, please ask the teenagers.

I am not referring to anyone in particular, but yet again, if anyone suits the above "AUNTY" description, you need to reflect.

15 December 2014

Singapore

Baby

Hey!

My apologies for being emotional; gosh, what has gotten into me.

I'm becoming someone I actually despise the most.

Talks about killing myself D:

I'm ashamed.

Cythia, if you dared, you would've done so.

Why go to your blog and be a pathetic good-for-nothing?

Well yeah. I know I shouldn't have but I guess the blog's a place to vent my anger.

To show how much I hate my parents maybe?

Life has been difficult for me as I've found it more and more difficult to accept my parents.

I really hate them, the hatred is so strong I'm so tired of it.

All I want is to able to enjoy myself freely, and let myself go after a long and tiring year.

I can never do that.

Right now I'm working at an insurance firm.

The job is boring and I feel like I'm wasting this precious post exam times.

But this is the best I can spend my time; since my parents wouldn't even allow anything else besides work.

Ofcourse, sometimes I get to feel so loved, so doted on, when I get to spend some meagre amount of time with him.

I feel happy I have him with me.

I'm really thankful.

I've loved before and it was painful.

I've hated before and it was also very tiring and painful.

I've hurt and been hurt.

But I've never been more thankful for anyone.

Honestly would never have thought I'm a person to be thankful for people I meet, or people I have in my life.

But I'm truly thankful for him. Thankful that he is mine now.

I truly do not know what the future holds, or whether the forever we promise each other would actually happen.

Or is it just a beautiful wish that would end up as a painful sigh?

Whichever, I would cherish whatever time I have with him.

I would cherish him. 

I will hold him back if he wanna leave.

I will keep every word he utters in my mind.

I will hold memories of him close to my heart.

If there ever is a forever for me,let it be him.

Guys, I love my life now and I'm too much in love to let it go(:

28 November 2014

Singapore

even love cannot bring it away

The shouting

The bright lights

The indescriptable wrench

The laughter I heard from my mouth

The weird amused feeling for the reactions I'm having

The floating feeling 

The sudden exhaustion.

Then the emptiness. 

The serene silence.

I found the way out. I finally understand why other people want to end their lives.

I look happy, how did it feel like to be happy?

What about your bright future?

The person you love?

Everything you've worked hard for?

I don't see it anymore. Just let this pain go away.

I'm so tired of them.

They don't have the right to say they love me, that they care about me.

That is simple not possible because how could they cause me the pain I'm feeling now?

The knife I used to cut myself 

I would've thought it horrible, attracting attention before.

Now I fully understand.

It's so satisfying to cut yourself because you know you're doing something.

At least you're not letting it pass like every other day there is.

16 years have passed and I'm already a teenager.

But the pain hasn't stopped.

My life hasn't turned for the better.

I'm worried of being fat, of my results, of being ugly.

I don't have parents that care, that support me, that understand me.

That I could say I love.

I only have myself.

Maybe I should stop holding on.

Maybe I should stab my throat.

Again and again and again.

Until it hurts so much that I forget my troubles.

That I can forget to hold my screams in.

My tears can flow because I need not worry how it will be after that.

There's no after.

I will go away.

But it hurts.

It hurts so much.

It WILL hurt so much if I stabbed my throat.

I'd be bleeding and I'll feel my life drain away.

Then what will happen to this guy whom I claim I loved?

Then what happens of our love?

It matters actually.

Because even as I'm drying, I still hurt inside.

I just wish those things that call themselves my "parents" won't ever take him away from me.

Like they did with another guy I loved.

Because the guy they managed to break me apart from, was someone I'm willing to die for.

I literally am willing to lose everything for him.

And it had hurt so much I've lost it.

Now I had it again, I had love again.

This time is someone I'm willing to live for. I'm willing to stay on and be the best person I can be for him.

Don't take him away please?

Can I please get one of your parents so that I can lead an easier life?

Yes I want the easier way out.

Please, anything?

22 November 2014

Singapore

Delirious or not.

I am probably not suppose to be typing away on my phone right now.

I am probably supposed to do history or perhaps even English Language revision.

Or anything, but this.

This, right now, is the ample time I FEEL I have, the deceptive MISTAKEN feeling I possess that tells me I HAVE plenty of time.

Well definitely not. However, that does not stop me from throwing my messed up thoughts all over this page right before my English examinations.

Trust me, although my English results are (surprisingly or not) GOOD. even GREAT.

I lack the confidence I portray.

Happy but not.

Get it? I'm feeling confused and controversial of my own feelings.

This is life.

MY life.

Nobody probably would read this right before an exam because who the hell would?

I should stop and probably proceed to meet my best friend, and perhaps reply my boyfriend.

I feel like giving up on my hopes and dreams not because I feel hopeless.

Or even anywhere near useless.

It's just... A feeling.

Perhaps I should stop trying to be perfect.

20 October 2014

Singapore

Before

Before o's.

We're closer to the exams now. I feel very stressed but yet I'm not working hard.

I'm too relaxed for someone stressed.

Me and my boyfriend had an outing.

Our LAST outing before o's.

Saying goodbye hurts.

It really does.

But it's for the better right.

He took this for me.

Anyway, I feel like thanking everyone who's been there for me.

And everyone who's told me I am beautiful or smart on askfm.

Or personally.

Thank you for the praisory(:

Also, I met almost all of my bf's close and not so close friends.

I feel like a part of his life now and I'm happy about it.

That's how I feel, happy.

Especially when I meet a few of his close friends which I get to talk to.

If you guys are stalking me (which some of you had), thank you for including me in your outing or welcoming me.

I feel grateful for being part of his lives and being your friends too.

I love wearing his shirt.

Firstly, it smells of him.

Secondly? Oh please it suits me DOESNT IT? (What doesn't?)

It's like I really am a part of his life.

Okay I'm being stupid don't laugh at me (at least not infront of me)

Lastly, I'm sorry because I know for some of you I'm like an intruder that spoilt your class outing.

I don't know but I have no intention to intrude.

I tried my best to keep quiet and kept any comments to myself (which is soooo rare for me)

I'm a girl who speaks her mind.

Secondly I tried my best to let him play with you guys so if I really made it awkward.... (SORRY?)

Actually I'm too happy to meet you guys that I'm hardly sorry but... Haha.

By the way something surprised me so much.

Remember the cut I gave myself?

Because of my mom.

It left a hideous scar.

It doesn't look like it would go away.

Well, now it's a permanent reminder of my mom's treatment to me.

Let's not care about this now.

And hope I will study really hard.

Finally met VEN's bf.

Went out so much recently.

It's almost like it's AFTER exam.

I really hope I can focus.

I really hope so.

Because it's actually BEFORE it.

And I'm a jealous type of girlfriend if some of you are wondering what kind I am.

I get super jealous SUPER easily.

And I will go all mopey and sad if someone made me jealous.

But that'll be too my boyfriend.

To the certain someone who somehow did...

You better have IT, what it takes to make the jealousy actually make sense.

In other words, you better be better at something.

Or I totally know how to make you seem small and useless infront of me.

I'm really not those kind of girl.

Those kind that'll give you any chance at all to feel good about having my bf's attention.

You better have what it takes.

(This definitely has nothing to do with that girl above)

Totally.

Try to believe me guys, I cherish friendships (wow, even I'm laughing)

5 October 2014

Singapore

I've got a new teddy bear.

This might be a surprise because my examinations are near but I'm not focused.

Relax, I am.

Just a question to you guys and if some kind soul could give me an answer with an explanation, I would be grateful.

I have a new teddy bear.

I've bought many teddy bears but after I've hugged them for awhile it never was what I wanted.

Then I did found one special one before. It was what I wanted, I wanted to hug it to sleep forever and wake up next to it forever.

But it was a teddy bear that I know I cannot keep forever because some wealthy girl had already placed order on it.

By some mistake it got sold to me but the wealthy girl would claim it back sooner or later.

I chose to keep the teddy bear and take good care of it, even though I know the more time I spent with it, the more difficult it will be when it leaves.

Sure enough, months after spending time with it every day and night, I had hope it'll stay. But I had to be the one to send it away in the end.

It had to go because it wasn't mine in the first place.

I cried the nights because I cannot accept it left for real.

A year passed and I still missed it's smell and it's warmth.

Then another year passed and I finally made up my mind:

I will never buy a teddy bear and love it so much like I did to that teddy bear.

Nothing would stay with me forever.

Then you one day, I saw a teddy bear.

It looks like a teddy bear you wanted years before, but never did go and buy it.

Then by chance it by fate, someone gave it to you as a present.

I love the teddy bear. I'm beginning to feel like I've found yet another teddy bear I love a lot.

But you realize it was yet another mistake.

Yet another one.

This teddy bear could always be bought by any wealthy girl. It would be given to anyone else and it's just a matter of time a wealthy girl come by and buy it.

However long it stays with you depends entirely on fate.

But you know it'll leave you.

And you know it'll hurt. Again.

It's like a huge danger sign.

Oh but you've hugged it before, you know how comforted it makes you feel, how you feel this is where you belong.

This is what you thought won't ever happen again, a teddy bear you thought you'd never meet because you won't love one as much as you did with the other one before.

But it came and it's going to go.

Just like the other one. Just like it.

Here's the question I have.

Do you give the teddy bear away to a rich person now and maybe earn a huge sum outta it but miss it the rest of your life?

Or do you keep it with you until it's time for it to leave, and cherish the only time and only chance you have with it before it doesn't belong to you anymore?

What should I do?

Because either way it'll hurt.

It'll hurt so fucking bad.

I love the teddy bear. Remember, I love it when I thought I would never love a teddy bear again.

I love it with all my heart.

I was afraid but I took the risk. I bought another teddy bear and hugged it and loved it.

But it's another mistake and now,

I'm stuck.

29 September 2014

Singapore

I'm on drugs.

Gwhwushjakabajakakakahakswkzhiskskaja.

Basically, hey.

I feel as if I'm on drugs because I had a very very happy day.

With a very very happy week before.

But I'm also VERYVERY stressed at the back of my mind.

I should be starting to work very hard because the real deal is coming.

The real ordinary level national examinations. (I can't even bear to hear myself)

But. I haven't been really hardworking.

Managed to catch up with my exercise, but I'm eating in excess day after day.

But, well here trots a guy into my life.

Okay do not freak out.

This is not a guy, I can see that.

It just started with teachers Day this year.

Was reunited with my primary school pals.

SM. (Already in my current school)

Had a great game of frisbee and had muscle aches but overall was awesome day out with most lovely company.

That guy, he was in my life for 10 years and 6 years before when I had a major crush on him.

6 years later by a twist of fate, we fell for each other.

Movie material.

I wonder who?

I didn't know what to expect. I couldn't do anything about my feelings (who could?).

I decided to be best of friends. Bestest of friends with that guy.

FIRST

So...

Now this absolutely shows JUST friends. Absolutely.

(Because we are so "not" sharing seats) and it's just like saying:

 you know that bird over there? It's not a bird

Yep //friends for 10 years//.

A decade is a long time to know someone.

And it's a long time to discover that hey, you still have feelings for him.

Caught a movie: step up.

 a girl and a guy, watching a movie AS FRIENDS, it is POSSIBLE. (Not.)

yes it is. Okay, so, just friends. Not dating or anything.

But ...we got so addicted.

We caught a second movie, for early celebration of his birthday. 

Maze runner.

(Very innocent pose, because all girls rest on their FRIENDS shoulder, ya.)

Does early celebrations means you can't celebrate on the day itself?

No,Early celebrations means one EXTRA celebration because we're JUST friends.

On the day of his birthday itself though.

His mom is one lovely woman. Dotes on him a lot. In fact, too much.

Looks like I'm gonna do the same too. XD

Someone's obsessed with my face/cheeks.

To prove my point.

So yep. We've spent a lot of time with together.

Well we're not friends, to answer most of your questions.

So maybe slightly more than friends but slightly short of lovers.

I'm so sorry for the lack of updates people. I'm having exams, right now I'm having a guy.

To you if you're reading this: 

I will say it, and it's definitely to you.

When I'm sure I mean it.

thank you for entering my life, or more like coming back into it when I really need you.

My results are still bad, just this morning I made up my mind.

 I'm not saying what I made up my mind to do.

I feel like everytime I say it, I cursed it. It won't happen.

Okay, whatever.

Bye <3

OH, for those taking O levels with me, just because I love to stress people up:

WE'RE LEFT WITH 26 DAYS

21 September 2014

Singapore

I've been losing control

This is becoming difficult.

I still remember the first day I stepped into secondary school.

The exact thing that was going through my head was:

"A new stage of my life, a new beginning. This is going to be different"

Different it has been indeed.

If you'd known me when I was in primary school you'd say so too.

I've changed indeed. And change a lot i did. (Involuntarily)

That's what secondary school does to you.

Relax people, this is not the grand finale yet, not yet until I've taken my o's.

But I know when I'm in primary school, I wouldn't look into the mirror more than once before I leave my house.

I know also I wouldn't have more than 10 new clothes each YEAR.

I wouldn't have taken more than 100 photos a YEAR.

I wouldn't even have a single social networking account.

The list can go on.

Everything have changed.

Right now it's not stopping.

It keeps on giving me shocking twists and turns I'm starting to feel like I can't cope anymore.

Maybe that's what happens to everyone right before a major examination in their lives.

Well it has been hell of a time for me this past month.

I cried so many times I don't even know how many times.

Let's think cool thoughts (winks)

Yup that's about all there is to my life now. I change the topic when it becomes to overwhelming like how I think of other things when it gets too difficult.

Toilet selfie (skipping school again)

Fina

Too good looking for me, she is.

Also, I found out that running to school takes half the amount of time used when taking the bus to school. (By running late at night with him to school from our houses)

And we pay transport fees for buses, but pay the layer of fats when we jog.

Pity jogging to school is not an option.

Because there'll be judging eyes everywhere (but mostly because I'm too lazy)

I wanted to take a photo to end this post but my phone goes: not enough storage.

Your eyes shall be spared then.

This is cut to remind myself to never again hope that my mom will go back to how she was 8 years ago.

And to never forgive her again to find that I shouldn't ever have.

Bye for now darlings.

*tomorrow marks the start of another exam -.-

Let's see how I fare... AGAIN.

31 August 2014

Singapore

I had a bad day

Today was the record high nastiest day ever for me.

NOTHING went right.

For starters, I woke up at 7 for tuition and my entire room reek of alcohol.

Thanks to my brother and his girlfriend crashing my room.

Oh not ONLY alcohol, there's cigarette too.

I cannot get out of my took fast enough.

Then, I went to do some math practice. Which was the first time I'd actually say down after making up my mind to do some revision after that preliminary examinations I just had.

Guess what?

ALL my practice papers that I'd done is nowhere in sight and I actually spent 1hr searching high and low for them.

NONE of them surfaced. NONE.

Do this to me huh?!

So this day has been bad so far but let's just try to remain cheerful.

We shall go for tuition with an open mind~

So much for cool thoughts.

At the last minute when I'm all set to head out of the gate.

My "lovely" mom had to wake up. She just had to show her fucking face.

she went all like "I think you like to make me angry purposely" or "you just like to do things against what I want you to do"

My DEAR mother, please scold me in decent English.

SECONDLY, YES I TOTALLY LOVE IT WHEN YOU SCREAM IN MY FACE WITH YOUR SPIT FLYING ALL OVER MY FACE.

It's moisturizing?

The worst thing is.

She has this smug expression on her face that makes you wanna slap her, because you know she definitely has done something that would piss you the hell off.

Indeed.

"Go speak to your dad if you want your parcel back, what have you bought again?! We don't want you to shop online!!"

Please tell me we have not gone back to the olden days.

Seriously?

Does she want pigeons and letters, those are safer??

I bought HAND CREAM because my hand is so dry and whose genes is that?!

And they were suppose to buy that for me. I had to buy it myself and they had it in them to confiscate it?

I used $51.20 to buy that stuff.

And they just confiscated it because I bought it online.

ITS MY MONEY THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO USE FOR MY LUNCH.

If I think I want my hand cream, WHAT HAS THAT GOT TO DO WITH YOU FUCKERS?

Okay deep breaths.

My parents were like that since forever right?

Fine, they want the cream, get it. FINE.

So I went out and trust me, I was the farthest anyone can go from happy.

The day has not taken it's worst turns yet.

Next it's a who, it's someone. Someone I saw to convince me this day was jinxed.

Guess who?

Ya none other than WY.

Ring some bells? Remember that guy I cried over for 1.5 years and more?

The one that graduated and fuck the hell outta my life so that I can be happy again.

Just HAD to meet him. JUST had to see him. Exactly like he was before he graduated.

Did not change one bit.

I was begging for this day to just be a nightmare.

Blinked a few times but yea he's still there.

So I took a huge turn and hid behind a pillar.

Real smooth Cythia, real smooth. As smooth as CHUNKY peanut butter.

Hey brain, heart, body, EVERYTHING, I thought you didn't care anymore?

Why hide?

Beats me too.

So as I was hiding I stared towards the direction of a playground.

I saw an old lady in her 60s or 70s.

"PLOP,PLOP,PLOP"

Guess what horrifying thing did I witness? (Nope she did not shit in public)

She hit herself on the head with her shoe so many times I couldn't count.

It wasn't those merciful hits those bitches would hit themselves with to gain pity.

It was blow after blow to her head I'm quite sure she'll have a really really bad bruise.

She doesn't stop after round one.

She stop for awhile to catch a breath, to cuss at the empty space infront of her, and proceeds with her attack to her own head.

Where were her family members?

Shouldn't they be looking out for her?

For once, I was momentarily lost for words to describe human kind.

I really miss my grandparents in Malaysia.

I really miss my late relatives.

All of a sudden.

So well, I guess i have to be thankful that I didn't fall out of the bus, trip over a rock, fall into a drain, step on dog poo or things like that while I travelled to tuition.

Arrived safely in tuition but trust me.

All positive thoughts were gone.

I was in a daze and I didn't answer an question correctly.

I decided today was a baaaaad day. Really bad day.

So I had to eat.

So eat I did.

Everything fattening.

I had deep fried sweet potato

I had macdonalds.

I bought chips.

I ate and ate and ate.

Until finally I can eat no more.

I arrived home and guess what I found in my room?

It scared the living daylights out of me.

Can something look more like a cockroach?!

It's just... Are grasshoppers or crickets the twins of cockroach?

And to me it might seem revolting enough to send all the food I've gotten in the day right back out, but to the ants it's like Christmas chicken.

Is this thing even sweet?!

Or ants have just become so desperate they eat anything-.-

Professional.

Pest control agent: Cythia Tan

So that happened at 11 56 pm of my day.

It is currently 12 00am and I'm sitting on the sofa typing this blogpost.

So it wasn't exactly a great start of my intensive revision period.

That's what I named this period of time where I have decided to go back into revision because guess what?!

I have yet another examinations. Another school examination.

It's like another chance for me to study and do well since this time, I'm pretty sure it's the last examination I'm gonna have in this school.

Wish me luck, perseverance and a little more intelligence!

Oh and I was kidding about the "letting my parents take my stuffs" thing.

I'm gonna sneak into my dad's room and find the parcel and do some contents swop so it looks the same as before.

Now I really need some ninja skills.

Hope all the good food has given me stealth!

Whatever, how do I even manage to sound happy at a time like this.

18 August 2014

Singapore 

Words, those words.

For those of you who've been asking me why have I suddenly disappeared for the social networks?

Well, I've been cooped up at home, burying my nose into piles and piles of books.

Okay, maybe not that bad.

But you get the idea?

Well, there are a few things I learnt through this short yet LONG two weeks of my life.

Oh trust me, I've never worked so hard before, although that's definitely not even close to hard enough.

But I've never. NEVER studied that hard before. I've never studied in fact, never really sat down and worked hard. Hell, it's tiring man it is.

Thing is, I've spent days setting the foundation for my exams with schedules, modulas, notes and stuff.

But when the real day comes, when the real deal is happening, I just screw up.

For example, right before the day of the exam, those crucial hours you've got to nail those concepts in your head? Ya, those are the times I chose to watch videos online, to eat, and to sleep.

Trust me guys, I hate myself everytime I think of how weak I am. How I actually vowed to myself that I'll do so well this time I'll be shocked. And how I make a joke out of myself to MYSELF.

My take on this, where I screw up yet another examination:

I would very much rather everyone disbelieving in me, I would very much rather have no support from anyone.

But what I really want is to be able to believe that I actually can do it. 

Because people, being insulted in one thing; actually believing that insult directed at YOU is another.

Being doubted is one thing; but doubting YOURSELF is another.

Other people's words are nothing compared to what I tell MYSELF everyday so ya, that's it about my exams

Next up, it's just something I've been thinking about lately.

Here's what I do when I screw up in life, when I mess things up for MYSELF, and feel messed up like a piece of trash (which is like all the time since I entered secondary school)

1. When I lose control of my emotions?

> I make it worse. I go by this theory: since it's already happened, let's make the MOST out of it. MOST, being the act of letting the worst thought that cross my mind slip outta my mouth.

Yep, that's when the damages done. That's when I lose my friends and I lose respect. Which, brings me to my second point.

2. When I realize the people around me hates me.

> my solution to this us pretty simple. I simply hate them back. (:

3. When I fail in everything I do and make it worse by not trying anymore.

> well, I compile every of my failures and hate myself for them. It's simple, like how you look at yourself straight in the mirror everyday and tell yourself how ugly and distorted your features are.

Basically, let the hatred drive you through extremes you never thought you're capable of.

Accusing myself of things I have never done and telling myself I'm bad at things I'm actually good at.

That's usually my way of improving myself.

I'm not saying any of you should do that, in fact none if you should at all.

I'm just telling you people that there's no need to tell me I'm strong or to envy me because I screw up ALL THE TIME.

I have the ability to do well for so many damn things but what is the use when everyone believes you can do well,Your friends thinks you're the genius, your teachers have nothing but high expectations from you, YET, YET I don't do it.

I just screw up and I fail. Over and over again and I watch other people starting to say: hey, maybe I was wrong about her. MAYBE, she needs more tutoring than I thought.

I know I have myself to blame, but I can't accept it.

That's the reason alright, some of you, no need to find some reason to hurt me or some reason you can come up with for me to be ashamed of myself.

I'm precisely that, I am, ashamed all the time of MYSELF.

This is why, I refuse to ask the teachers for help and this is WHY I refuse to wake up in class.

Because I refuse to admit that the person I was, that person that never needs help, that's the "genius", has messed up big time and now she NEEDS THE HELP.

Thing is, we all know. At least I know, I know whenever I look into someone's face whether or not that person actually likes me.

Stop wasting your time people, stop trying to make yourself feel good by telling me how much you hate me.

Because I can see it, that you hate me. ITS FUCKING WRITTEN ON YOUR FACE.

Oh sure, some people just surprises you because you never expect that look from certain faces, but they just prove it that they don't actually like you.

Oh yes, big deal, NEWS FLASH, I get hurt too.

Wake up people, why won't I get hurt? Just because I haven't done anything wrong? Or just because somehow my life looks fucking perfect to you? So I won't be sad?

Well HELL no.

I've sat down thinking desperately of how to make people like me again. (For Those people that don't) I've been through that.

Ya you're wearing a mask. That's what people like to say nowadays, those bitches on TV, those supposedly "mature" commenters in Instagram.

They say: why are you lying? Why are you deceiving? Why are you wearing a mask? You double face!!!

Well bitch, when I wear a mask, I'm SHOWING you I don't like you. That's for me at least. You know it's a mask right? That's the thing about masks, you SEE them, so you DO know, no reason to feel betrayed.

If you walk pass someone with a double face.

PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME YOU'RE BLIND ENOUGH TO MISS THIS^

It's all freaking obvious if you humans would just face it that there are tons of people who don't like you and quit trying to be shocked over it. Quit trying to be hurt, putting on that show.

You're not hurt, you're just angry because when things come to light in black and white, you're being forced to face the things you've known all your life but have tried the whole time to avoid it.

Well too bad for you, life sucks as always.

Okay let's tone this down a little.

I'm just being super upset that I know I'm not gonna get the A's I wanted so badly this time.

But I'm most upset about the fact that I knew I was gonna feel this way but I still make the choice of not putting in that last bit of hard work.

I seem to have taken a liking to cause maximum damage to myself.

Well it's ALL ABOUT ME.

So here's what I do this two weeks and more I've been away from my blog and all.

For those of you who don't know,

The first time I stepped into the Universal Studios Singapore was just weeks ago. Okay I know universal studios is like "THE WHOLE WORLD HAS BEEN THERE" thing but well, I haven't. Stop telling me you've been there so many times or something because THATS FUCKING STUPID.

Why you keep going to a same place and taking pictures of the same thing and posting it on Instagram? Social networks?

WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID.

Don't tell me how many times you've been there.

 I did not ask.

I've been to the poly clinic thrice within these weeks to get my medical certificate so I could skip school because it's getting abit tiring to go to the place.(that school)

Wait, correction: it's getting SHITTY, CRAPPY, DISGUSTING to wake up every darn morning and go to a place full of giggling bitches (some people are like that)

Oh wait, now there's a new trend, FULL OF GIGGLING BOYS.

The male population got some mutation going on or something.

Well I skipped school but it was for something good.

I hung out with someone that is actually real.

Like "real" is so rare it becomes surreal when you meet someone who actually is.

We had a meal at Fish and Co.

Their fish is just wonderful, needless to say.

I mean that's why we even went there.

And here's something I found on the menu in a restaurant I had lunch at midst skipping school.

Am I the only one that gets what's happening?

And here's my seriously cute friend who loves taking photos while biting a carrot.

Hmm... Cute.

If you're reading this: I am so in love with you man. <3

Thanks for another face that shows me that human beings are still capable of being who they feel they should be.

Not who they make themselves be.

Yoghurt with cereals and strawberries.

Tuna and egg sandwich.

I bought a fruit blender.

To make fruit juice. Ofcourse?

Papaya milk. Ofcourse????

 

Finally, the papaya milk is ready.

All that steps just for one cup of fruit milkshake.

Well, worth it. It was worth it because it's damn good. The juice is damn good.

Tastes better when you made it on your own.

It's a after exam thing that you go kinda crazy.

Had great but fattening food.

CHEESE baked RICE.

See the calories?

And I haven't been exercising a lot too.

Fuck, sometimes, exams just really deserve the hate.

House.

Okay so this is the post exam post ;D

And expect the post results post.

Oh and words are just a sequence of letters if you don't make sense of it.

If you don't choose to understand it.

But I understand as humans, it's not within our means to control what our brain comprehends.

But it is within our means what we want to make of those words.

And here are my current choice:

Don't fuck with me because no matter how small you want to think I am, I will not tolerate and amount of nonsense.

Don't mess with me because you don't want to mess with the wrong person.

LAST LAST note:

I don't know what's marriage to you guys.

But love is this to me:

" it's a really beautiful thing to find that someone you really want to annoy the rest of your life."

6 August 2014

Singapore