But that's just life

Now I’m really busy.

Hope this year ends better than the last.

Actually I figured since my life is so screwed yet so great now, I should really just…

Do nothing about it.

HAHA.

Yep, I plan to just work for what I want.

Slog for what I want (if I need to)

yes my wardrobe is at a very elite state, i cant say i'm not satisfied.

though Cynthia is offcially pronounced broke.

will earn some cash after exams (:

that's when i am busy trying to sort out my things and oh my, clothes is my heaven now.

so here i'm trying to upload a nice video of me and my cousins the other time on the cruise. hope it works.

the above^ is the video, if it is faulty.

it's not Cynthia's fault.

oh and look i will show you one scenario, where lies of life is most hurtful.

nope but this is not true.

although we might have had the best times, that does not mean it's would not turn out to be a lie.

I will forget you.

and those times we had.

And those lies you left for me to remember.

And the pain you bestow upon me.

I will forget you.

they all said you're not worth it.

i see that now.

holding on to a loser who can't fulfill even one single promise.

holding on to someone who stabs me in the heart every time it tries to heal.

i would try my very best, to rid you of my mind.

let me kiss you goodbye,

will you?

nah i rather not.

this is

<3

oh and Cynthia has been working out to slim down.

every single day.

See Ya ,

31 August 2013

Singapore

I've tried my best, I think it's time I gave up

It's actually already a fact. Or many after I received confirmation from reliable source that he, W.Y really has another girl. At first, i surprised myself. Because I didn't even twitch an eyebrow.

I thought that maybe that was how it felt to be numb to everything.

Like perhaps when it hurts so much, you can't feel it anymore.

I was glad, but the ferocity I felt towards him was beyond.

I felt so furious, I hated him so much, for finding another girl.

Shouldn't his words to me, be at least at the back of his mind?

"I won't go into a relationship,at least not before I graduate this school"

Wasn't that what he told me?

Those were the words I clung on to with my life, I hung on to it with every shimmer of hope I can muster.

But you have to shatter that tiny little piece of positive I have in me.

You have to stab me hard and straight through my heart.

I wanted to believe your words, even though it's unbelievable I wanted to believe them.

Or I needed to?

My life is full of fake materials and lies now.

Then when I thought I could let go of you because I hated you now, they said no.

Who said no? My heart.

It screamed at me, using the times we had, the things we went through together.

It forced me to ask, why? Why W.Y or how? How did you manage to just treat all these that seemed so valuable, that I cherished with my life, with such nonchalance? It's beyond my mind to comprehend.

I have been thinking.

Whose that girl? Is she like me? How is she like? Does she make you smile that lovely smile?

But some things I know.

You would tell her what you told me, the exact same sweet things.

You would smile to her like you smiled to me.

You would say you love her like you did to me.

You would hug her like you did to me.

She would replace me, like I never did existed in you life, in your heart.

That really hurts, it hurts beyond description.

When this is how I feel, that is how you feel.

There's also one thing I'm certain.

Remember dear, wherever you go, whatever you do, you'll never find someone who could care for you and love you like I do, never.

Goodbye dear.

29 August 2013

Singapore

No please don't

Well guys, it's really not fun I guess since exams are approaching. Technically they aren't really approaching, there's still about a month's time.

Haha that's BOLY. Random photo cause I'm stressed ( SURPRISE BOLY)

But anyway, I am thinking of trying again to get W.Y. back. Should I?

Story goes like this..

I heard that he's going through some real difficult problem and he's really very unhappy from his whatsapp status and all. They have been saying he needs me, but what if he don't? What if he already has someone new? Because you know, I heard the heartbreaking news that he has someone new (you know Yy?) ya it's her. Because apparently he mentioned that his anniversary with someone is 3 march. That's not good because ours is 24 June as you know. Even if it's not her and its the ex we know of, ain't it obvious he doesn't remember me even?

He said he'll never fall again after me.

He said he'll never let me go.

Guess that even if I really want to ignore his actions, they're so deafening I could hardly.

"Actions speaks louder than words"

Dear, what are words?

They've brought me all the pain I cannot bear.

You've brought me so much to remember, it makes it hard to forget.

27 August 2013

Singapore 

I'll actually step down, to the lowest level for you.

Hello people. Blogging using my phone. That's one good point about having an iPhone (5 to be exact)

Well just gonna write about life and all.

First experience of painting (for the public// not at home//) it was really fun.

Then the above is me and the KOREAN LADY which moved into our house because my mom decides she wants to be richer than she already is. Rented the room out.

Great house we ( me and my brother) have.

Enough rooms.

Parents who care about us more than money.

Scold us less than once a year.

// those who are quite dense, I'm being sarcastic//

Then OFCOURSE there's my pretty clothes and me.

Okay my mom decided to piss me off now. She's too irritating for me.

Anyway a quote that sorta touched me:

// give a man a fish, you feed him a day.

Teach a man how to fish, you feed him forever.//

Girls, making sure he loves you for every monthsary, giving your love and everything you have on that day, doesn't ensure you get him forever.

Teach him how to love you, show him how you love him, you have him forever.

🙆

25 August 2013

Singapore

guess that's something i just can't do

How many of you think I’m already dead?

Well now you see through just one crack I let slip, you see how is it like when Cynthia loses it.

But anyway, shit over, I’m back.

doesn't mean i'm okay with him not being my boyfriend.

whatever, there's nothing i can do about it.

let me show you the awesome girl's wardrobe.

people marvel the avengers, they marvel the wardrobe more.

haha, not very funny.

that's obviously not all but nah, i'm taking only those that i'm selling.

Bitches be trippin' over to my shop.

now there's new loots which just arrived and joined the happy family of my wardrobe.

I know i know, i complain that my life sucks.

but all these are not enough right?

i neeeeeed him. i really do.

Guess i'm afraid of myself too.

how i wish someone would tell you and make you realize how we should be together right now.

i miss your kiss,

i miss your touch,

i don't know why i love you so much.

to see your smile,

to be back into your arms where i felt so safe.

i need you now,

like i needed you then.

it's too painful,

please come back to me,

and you'll see you and i are meant to be.

i think i know why i love the beach so much.

why does it bring about that sweet painful feeling.

all i hear is raindrops,

falling on the rooftop.

oh baby tell me why'd you have to go,

cause this pain i feel it won't go away...

i thought that from this heartache i could escape,

but i fronted long enough to know.

there ain't no way...

can't nobody do it like you,

said every little thing you do,

baby say it stays on my mind

All i do is lay around,

two years full of tears,

from looking at your face on the wall.

just a week ago you were my baby,

now i don't even know you at all.

well i wish that you could call me right now,

so that i could get through you somehow.

well i thought i could get over you baby,

but i see that's something i just can't do.

from the way you hold me,

to the sweet things you told me,

i just can't find a way,

to let go of you.

i'm officially missing you.

have you decided you've left long enough?

have you realized that everything should be okay now?

have you finally decided to come back?

i guess not. since you're still out there thinking about everything,

but me.

21 August 2013

Singapore

I'm leaving.

I can feel it you know.

i can feel that i wont be able to take it anymore.

since so, i have nothing to care about.

i'm actually a loner inside.

you know, i laugh at everyone for being a loner, but i'm just trying to make it up for myself.

because everyone just doesn't like me.

i don't fit in.

i suck.

i'm a loser.

i suck academically, i cant make it.

i suck with people, everyone find me trying to hard to fit in.

i'm ugly, i'm facimg it.

when i'm gone, nobody will miss me.

you know why did i become so emotional the other time?

because i felt that you were leaving me.

you really did and the pain is not what i expect, it hurts a million times, no, it just hurts alot.

i don't care about no dignity.

i hate it, i hate everything now because everyone doesn't like me.

i give up trying to fit in.

i feel so ashamed.

i feel so tired i wanna hide and disappear.

you made everything okay you know.

but i KNOW you won't come back.

i don't see a point in living anymore.

will one really feel no sadness when they leave?

if yes, i think i'll take that.

i can't do this anymore.

i am useless.

20 August 2013

Singapore

Never, it doesn't get okay never.

when you realized that you didn't manage to put everything past you.

when you realized that once a chance, the right moment of deja vu, everything will come crashing so hard you could be killed from the inside in an instant. 

i had 2.4 km run today, the other time was postponed.

i totally never expected what life had in hold for me.

after the run, an image flashed in me.

i remembered who was there last year when i ran, with receiving arms.

i remember who was there, his voice great over the phone.

i long for your arms again.

i long for your voice again.

i'm laughing at myself.

somewhere deep inside, something is mocking me.

I haven't forgotten.

not at all and it still hurts because, you were there, but now you aren't.

that was how it was like.

why?!

why did those two monsters out there have to ruin it all for me?

Just like last year, i received lots of scolding.

but no one was there to support me, to stop those tears.

he's gone.

then i remembered, i'm alone.

at least i don't feel the pain because it just is part of my life already.

i made someone happy at least today, she thought i was happy and didn't worry.

19 August 2013

Singapore

i'll be watching you

Hi. Playing the guitar as I’m typing this.

how are you guys?

well my life sucks.

me and boly made a wish and sort of a plea to anyone UP THERE, that we want things to rewind, or actually go back to last year.

i almost cried, because i realized i really want that alot.

because i really missed last year, the best times of my life.

Oh can't you see...

you belong with me.

how my heart aches,

with every step you take.

I just came to say the guitar is so damn great.

i learnt how to play sooo many songs.

and i also wanna say, i want to go back in time to make everything alright again.

because i hate my life now even thought everything already seem alright.

by the way, time check: 1:00 am

18 August 2013

Singapore

But it sure would be prettier with you.

FINALLY!

I got the time to blog. Wealthy relatives (not much wealthier than me but…) came to Singapore to visit us from Malaysia.

Hence we went all around (not only Singapore) to play!

was really having so much fun!

well, my parents kept to their words AND....

Homescreen of my brandnew iPhone 5!!! :D

i'm so cool with it haha (8

THEN WE WENT TO THE BEACH YESTERDAY AND PARTY LIKE MAD.

we also went for a swim and i swam 69 laps (;

*secret for those who know, the number of laps i swam was so cool right?*

Outfit of yesterday (: my loots arrived just in time to show off my incredible wardrobe :D

now if you're wondering what was i doing at the Cruise centre, i was booking the cruise tickets for TODAY. LET ME TELL YOU IT'S so damn fun!

 i bought my ticket for the long way round...

 the one with the prettiest of views...

 It's got moutains,

It's got rivers...

 It's got sights that gives you shivers...

 BUT IT SURE WOULD BE PRETTIER WITH YOU.

 Yup so that was the song i sang while on the way on the small boat to our cruise...

we had so much fun singing and looking at the beautiful scenery.

// we're enjoying life//

i say hi from my heaven... (well almost)

since Cynthia really loves the sea and the sky,

she loved today alot.

 But everything would still be better...

with you.

BUT, i am still in an awesome mood!! TOMORROW we're going on a no-parents SHOPPING TRIP.

OFCOURSE I'M THE ONE PLANNING IT <3

AUGHHHHHHHH.... tomorrow will be sooooo fun.

i'll get portable charger,

preferably phone covers,

clothes ofcourse,

wallet AND MANY MANY MORE.

So umm i don't know why our awesome video is like that.

but we're saying HI from the top of our speedboat!!

MORE TO COME ON TOMORROW'S TRIP.

10 August 2013

Singapore