Sigh... How do i put it?

How long was it since i posted? why does it seem so long:P Anyway, just maybe tell you all roughly what happened these few days? I remember i had loads to tell... but you the the feeling when you suddenly cant recall something important you wanted to say? Let me think... Okay, how about my parents quarreled and my Mom just agreed that the job of "controlling" and "teaching" and being in charge of me and brother would be my Father's. I mother just kind of washed her hands off us. ?!?!?!?!?! seriously ?! my parents are being childish okay... Then my father is those kind of old-fahion and stubborn and unreasonable so when he gets all the control... There's no need for me to elaborate further? BUT surprisingly i wasnt really affected, perhaps it's because this week we have like a million tests to take, and i was a little stress. Plus some haiya i dont know, weird things and maybe BAD things><
So i will say some memorable or significant or I dont know, things that are important? Let's start from my closest dear, my KONG. that i mention before (notice a full-stop after her name yea... she's one of the three full-stop people i have in this world <3) well what about her? Let's say theres this bastard, which she dated before but hurt her extremely much. sorry i sidetrack abit, this bastard right, he went to break my KONG.'s heart by "losing feelings" for her suddenly after they dated for i think 9 months? TRUST ME, im so extremely pissed with him. Oh but he was smart enough to regret and court her back, so my KONG.'s dream came true... because she waited to get back with him alsoo.... So back to my story... Well ever since she got back together with him, Im envious, and happy to say their relationship is soooooooo much better than their first one... Hope they last(: And so, this guyyyyy ah, let's call him um Y.F, he snatched my bestfriend!!!! MY sister!!!! (:< Haiz, but what to do? I dont blame her at all okay. So what's my point for saying all these? well after what seems like decades, we finally went to lunch together again!!! And she introduced me to good food YAYYY. IT IS SO DAMN DELICIOUS. In a restaurant named "Fish & CO." i thinkkk. wow, Fish plus cheese, hot and melts in your mouth... Come'on, be jealous of my awesome bestfriend and foooooood!:P

Such a big portion also....

Can you see the cheese oozing out!!!!!!! ARGH.... So nicee... But nowadays i can't resist the temptation to eat unhealthy, oily and spicy stuffs!!! I'm spoiling my appearance!! But thankfully, no outbreak of horrible pimples:D Then my brother also didnt make a big fuss about my parents' incident, he was also damn sweet! Second full-stop person revealed!! My awesome brother. Okay, he loves me(although he never admits), but he's really dumb. HAHAHHA. i know i'm mean but oh well. He was trying to be sweet and cook me breakfast this morning. Like you know he ATTEMPTED to cook me half boiled egg... and i ended up eating? Cooked egg + egg shell + abundance of black sauce + alot of pepper too well so it's = horrible tasting. But being a kind and great girl and sister, i ate everything okay!!!

Look at the whole spoon that's filled with sauce...

So umm these are the good stuffs. Umm but haha, i obviously have to spoil everything AGAIN. okay, poor me got a broken heart again. Story goes...

I was walking at the first level of my school grounds... Well, first to recap, remember that time i say DEAR. tease this girl and i felt very bad? well, that day the girl... let's call her YY... she was walking behind me... and then DEAR.'s friend was screaming from his class at the fourth level window:" *YY*, *DEAR.* loves you!!!" (the actual thing they said are the actual names of YY and DEAR.) When i heard DEAR.'s name and that he loves another girl, although it's just his friend teasing... My heart sank to the deepest pits... it's like you could see the instant change in my expression, my friend that was with me saw... to make things worse... i think i heard YY, who was supposed to be my friend, say:"i love you too, *DEAR.*(his name). And hearing this come out from her mouth make me stop in my tracks for this split second, and everything in me sorta froze for that second. So, now they had feelings for each other?! Trust me, it was from devastation, to intense anger to frustruations in just that short time. Then, just as i thought my day couldn't get any worse, it did. i went to the fourth level accompanying my friiend, and guess what? i saw DEAR. waiting for her outside his class... That was it, my heart broke... like i could feel it okay, feel it hurt within me... Ofcourse i was going to cry. i held it in... I did not cry in school... I insulted her and him to many people. I was furious, really furious. Then i realise i hate him. Hated him to the core. For doing whatever he's doing. I hated both of them. I always could not hate him, and that day, i finally did, and alot too. I just was sooo angry i threw insults of them to everyone i was talking to, online too. now looking back... maybe i was unreasonable? i mean, he's not mine anymore... Well, ofcourse i told KONG. She said many things, i just continued insulting... until she said:"let go luh... He's not coming back anymore" That's when it hit me, like seriously really hard, i didnt scold anymore, I finally gave in and cried. i cried so very hard. It was like when i first broke with him. I just kept crying and crying and screaming WHY?! i felt as if my life is totally a mess, totally not worth living. I just kept on crying, no one was at home fortunately... until maybe an hour later or so? My brother came home... He was so shocked. And when he know the reason he just said: you have to experience it to know it. So i just basically wiped away my tears and thought. Real deep and hard... He's not coming back anymore... How those words, those words i have been avoiding all this while, hit me like a slap across my face. Yes, he's not coming back. What's past has past.

Ofcourse, my anger subsided and i realise how ridiculous i was to insult them. But i still am feeling bitter honestly... but i obviously can't hate him for long... But i guess i have to learn right? there will be one day where i would say: I'm over him... Right? i would right? let's wait and hope i will not have any more of these heartbreaks. But, let's say, I am just being crazy as always. I think? ):

Heyhey! but my days after that day were all quite enjoyable or sort of problems free. THANKFULLY. 

So blissfully in love, loving you so much then...

Still, loving you in the end...

**Sometimes, you just don't want to forget the person that managed to tear you apart**

28 February 2013

Singapore

Simple Joy...

Him trying to draw for me <3

WOW. curse broken, i'm happy for 2 days straight!! YAYY.. HAHAHA. well today past by quickly, like TADA, it's the night. Okay, today didn't really start well... Same old problem, Parents. Omaigod man, like seriously, I really am fed up by them. Just because we(me and my brother) took a little more time to get outta the house, they had to make a mountain out of a molehill and make such a to the wash long and big fuss out of it! My mom is really such a joke, she asked me why my brother woke up earlier than me and was walking to the washroom first but yet i was using the toilet first. So i told her that when i woke up, my brother was sitting on his bed and not even near the toilet then you know what my IDIOTIC MOTHER SAID? she say: "Why are you telling me all these?! You are speaking crap!" Then i kept quiet, because at that moment my suspicion was confirmed, my mother is insane. I MEAN, WHO'S THE ONE SPEAKING CRAP. But fortunately, the whole matter only lasted for half an hour. Trust me, that's short compared to other times. Anyway, we had a rather uncomfortable brunch but oh well, it passed too. Then,we went home and prepared for our one last visiting for new year- my mom's mother's house. Granny's house la! i wore black dress and heels, haha, like going wedding. Anyway, my time at my Granny's house was the main point of my story, the highlight of my day. Okay so let's introduce ya all to maternal side cousin! I dont know what's his name because he did not tell me clearly (:<

he refused to stay still!!!! i'm lucky i even got a shot :P

Umm so okay that's super naughty him. Like really, he is damn fun to play with. And hahahahahahah, he loves me!!! When i say he loves me, I MEAN IT OKAY. like okay this is what my mom wanted to pass a red packet to him, he refused to take it and hid behind his father (my uncle), but when i took over the red packet, HAHAHAHHAHAH, he came out from behind and dragged me away taking the red packet! I KNOW I AM AWESOME. Then right,he wanted me to play with him for like forever, and ya it was super tiring. He ran here and there, had things flying here and there. But trust me all was worth it. Because, i think he has this weird thing about not liking people to carry him and although he was damn close to me already, he refused to let me carry him for hours of persuasion. Until finally, i tried again, he allowed! i carried him to the living room and he actually scream: " JIEJIE I LOVE YOU" Trust me, i was so shocked i stopped walking and the whole family just stared at him and he was just hugging me at my neck. All i managed was a whisper:" what did he say?" And then his father is like:" wow, where did he learn that from?" and i was just stun for a few minutes before i kissed him on the cheek and said it back to him, AND GUESS WHAT? he actually hugged me real hard like some adult! I was just so touched. okay maybe you all dont understand why i feel and react this way, but having this kid, like having innocent him, just pure and simply said those three words to me, really means alot. And it also reminded me of something, something i did not want to face and tried my best to avoid.

This is a confession to ya all that i never told anyone (not that i remember of).DEAR. and I, although we had a really great short lived relationship, never said those three words to each other verbally before. He never told me, i dont know why. I did hint for him to like say it, but somehow, he did not. It really made me doubt that he really ever cared. Though many of his actions convinced me he did, but i was still in doubt. Until now, although i tried to convince myself texting and verbally don't really make a difference, but it was still a regret, because when he didnt tell me, i did not too. But, i really wanted to tell him, it just feels like something left undone. I want to now... but i wont get a chance anymore.Dear, I screenshot many times where you texted me those three words, those are one of the most precious memories. Do you know how just seeing those words from you made me happy? I guess i wont see them again...

But hearing it sincerely from a young child, really made me happy. That was love, from the heart of a young and innocent being. Sooooo, i was happy! like really happy. Then, when i had to leave, he didnt make a huge fuss like i expected, he just hugged me tightly then said bye and went to the window to stare out of it. LIKE AN ADULT RIGHT. So i just went home feeling a little sad but yet happy. How do i put it? I just loved that time with my small little cousin.

When i reached home, i buried myself in Biology, since i had a test tomorrow. Ya i finished as there wasn't much, or i should say, hehehehe, i was lazy and didnt really complete studying but i would do it somehow la! But i tried my best to draw a preddy diagram okay! I hated to draw diagrams so this is my best! please do not criticize!!!

Plant cell vs. Animal Cell

And ya, today is the last day of Lunar New Year. HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE.

I dont know if I'll get a chance to say it to you ever, i dont know how long it takes for me to ever be able to say it to another guy, but if you ever read this... know that... I Love You.

**Things may not have worked out for us, but i'll be waiting for the day it does.**

24 February 2013

Singapore

Everything to me?

So pretty right!!!!

Umm today was alright, should be abit better than good?:P why did i say so? I am finally not stuck at home, left there to rot... I went out with my sheeshee (mentioned in other posts before), to collect our prize for the competition which i got top 10 in... Actually, get Top 10 and not Top 3 is already good enough. Get to my point, the prize is actually an apple device!!! IPOD... HAHAHHAHAHAH. so i dont need to always use my phone and safe the space like hell lerrrrr. YAYY. I got a pink one, it is so preddy, im in love with it :P but actually, my favourite colour is black... but i had a new favorite colour, which is pink because well, guess it or not, yes, it is DEAR. 's favorite color. I said before, i love whatever you like or love, you said you love whatever i like or love too, do you still remember? Even though we broke, this little things are things that'll never leave me. You all may find it stupid, but i really grew to love pink! so imagine my excitement and joy when i got my brand new PINK IPOD. (actually, im not sure did he change his favorite color..) Then sheeshee had to dampen my mood a little because she insisted on a purple ipod, when it is out of stock!!!! Then we couldnt claim our prize together): ARGHHH. i begged her to get the blue one since she liked blue too, BUT SHE INSISTED ON PURPLE. i sho sad T.T So im like the only one happy and jumping for joy, abit awkward, so my excitement died down quickly... Aiya but nevermind! i was still superbly happy okay! Then in the end, since i did not bring a bag i asked shee to keep my ipod in hers, AND I FORGOT TO ASK IT BACK FROM HER WHEN WE PARTED WAYS TO GO HOME. then now i miss my ipod ): but haha, i told shee to take a picture of my lovely ipod for me so i can show it to ya all! she also helped me charge it, THANKS shee<3
Then me and sheeshee went to Bishan shopping mall to have our lunch! First time i went out (not after school) with her and had lunch with her! After a long time of indecision, we finally settled on a Japanese restaurant. Splendid meal we had!! And fortunately, i remembered  to snap pictures...

HEH! sorry people whom i happen to include in ma picture :P

My seafood ramen(:

Sooo, you all jealous? Then we had a talk on Colleges we wished to enter, career we wished to have in the future. Then me who wanted alot alot of money, wanted to be like the boss of the restaurant, having restaurants all over the world, being a wealthy ass. HAHAHHA, like a young girl's dream... but i also said i wanted to be a pilot, since that's the other job that earns quite a sum too... Shee was asking me about interests, well, honestly, i liked the occupation as a surgeon, but it doesnt earn as much as a pilot!!! haha, so i just truthfully told shee :P why surgeon? as i mentioned before, i loved biology, i find things you could learn about the human body amazing and magical <3 Anyway, about colleges, shee didnt really had any aims or goals, but in the end she decided that since she needed to work under stress, she decided to aim for the junior college i'm aiming for, Victoria Junior College (one of the top 5 junior colleges in Singapore). For me, it is not really fixed, it really depends on DEAR. again... his studies is actually VERY good (i'm so proud of him), so we shall see what Junior college he ends up in (assuming he gets into one, which i seriously believe he would), and that shall be the junior college i aim to get in (; Shee was like saying: YOU EVERYTHING ALSO ABOUT HIM! Haha sorry shee and you all, cant help it  # "." # (blushing face). Back to my day with her, we went for a little stroll around the mall, and set the bus heading back. Since it was a long way, we talked quite alot on the bus or gossip HAHA, and she helped me braid my hair for fun, and attempted to braid the four sectional braid... which i must add, look alot like the normal one...

Cant see clearly ><

Sorry shee, if you see this hahahhahaha, SURPRISE. (she didnt know i'll post:P) Then we reached Tampines  Mall and went to several bookstores. Me and shee have similar hobbies, WE LOVE TO  READ. although different kind of books. Then we also promised each oher we will come back to the bookstore to have a shopping trip for books! So we will be back books!!! OH AND, i was so tempted to have my fourth attempt to pierce my ear!!! My badbad ear always refuse to recover when i pierce and i always ended up having to give up my piercing due to the horrible condition. Then, my parents refuse to allow any more attempts ): so i actually wanted to be a rebellious girl (which i already am quite), and pierce despite!!! but how am i suppose to make sure it recovers before my parents find out and demanded the piercing closed! Then we will have WORLD WAR 3 at home... So in the end, i had to drown the desire for piercing and wait for the future. :P THEN, we were so comfortably shopping and talking, we forgot about the time! I had a strict curfew that requires me to be at home by 6.30 pm and at 6.09 pm, i was still happily at the bookstore with shee!!!! ARGHH, imagine the panic! I reached home at 6.53 and imagine my heart, like blop, blop, blop, blop (hope its like heart beating), as i walked through the gate of my house... AND THANK GOD, MIRACLE HAPPENED, my parents did not even utter a word or scoldings, nagging or whatsoever about my lateness!!!!!!!!!!!! If you do not understand my reaction to this, i must explain to you. You see, i'm a child who does not have any freedom for the past 14 years of my life... (should be around those number of years), until now, i'm still very controlled, my parents are controlling and old-fashioned so ya. They do not understand how i felt, like being forced to stay at home... Shall not elaborate and complain haha! just know that i was SUPER DUPER HAPPY that nothing happened and we had peace at home. If not i wont be allowed to use the computer, less even updating my blog here! hope parents remain this way forever, though i know i shouldnt reach home later than the time i said i would reach home. :P Goodnight people! it's almost 12 am haha, i should be turning in soon.

Oh and by the way, i just checked whatsapp ( a mobile application), to see if DEAR. is online, and HE IS! i do this just to at least know, whether anot his on his phone, at that corner of the world...

**everyone keeps telling me that dreams do come true, but they forgot that, they also said some things are just not meant to be**

24 February 2013

Singapore

The Red Post...

This is like a random post because I'm too bored but don't feel like sleeping. I cheat a little:p like 12am is coming soon and I don't feel like sleeping, still listening to music and well basically enjoying actually (: I'm gonna say it is the next day already heck are, few minutes to 12 anyway. Oh ya, sorry, sorwie for the superbly emotional post like a few hours ago yesterday!!! I didn't know why the sudden rush of emotions but oh well. Just now I happen to have a period of time I could be outside in the night and am free to roam around xD which means I get to spend time with my lovely nightskyyyyy. Ohhhhh, did I tell you all? I loveeeeeee the nightskyyyyy, I know I am weird but haha, nightsky preddy ahhhhh. Not only so, how long was it since I got a chance to enjoy the beautiful nightsky plus manymany stars? It was such a long time ago since I dated my awesome nightsky. And when today I once again date the night and it's sky, oh god, I couldn't get my eyes off it! Like the preddiest thing I've seen recently. The breeze from yesterday? It was cooler and more relaxing at night.... So I was enjoying and calling a particular guy friend of mine, which I should say, likes me:p he did confess many times, he also knows about my feelings for DEAR. but he was still there for me despite my hurting him again and again. let's call him I.C since that's his initials. Anyway I.C I called I.C while enjoying the nightsky, hope he will be happy since I spend such a romantic moment with him, but I.C don't get the wrong idea!!! Sorry:/ some people may know who he is, and may find him a little to clingy to me, but he just likes me and I'm sorry for always being mean to him, I guess I just am such a bad person >< he really is so nice to me, and yet... I didn't r return any of his feelings): but not my fault right... Anyway I had fun talking to him but understand?! He's sadly just a normal friend to me ): (actually I not very sad but must sympathize with him yeaaaa) so maybe I should end my random post, but no picture because one, I'm using iPad and its either I'm lousy or iPad can't upload pictures but yea,  can't.two, nightsky I can't take pictures because you will just see a patch of black since I don't have super good camera:p
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To make up for lack of pictures I post most preddy shape there is, a <3... Like though I cheated by copy and pasting abit... Okay okay!! Maybe more than abit but, I still took quite long Kay... Like ipad is hard to use... Or it is just not the device for Cynthia, me:p
Bye bye, go do something else lur.. 12:17 a.m by the way...

23 February 2013
Singapore

What's with today?

Alright, my previous post was a great day and so just like a cycle, a curse, today has to be a terrible day. Today, everyone's mood is bad, everyone i meet, every fucking minute of today sucks. everyone has dark faces, upset expressions, and lousy mood. And of course, i have too. How do i say it, it is just one of those days, the happy memories don't make you happy, they hurt you deeply. Co-curriculum activity again today at school, co curriculum is all Wednesdays and Fridays. So ya, i catch DEAR. looking at me, i caught his eye a few times, from the corner of my eye i could also see him looking at me. What do I feel? I don't know, it is not that I'm having negative feelings or thoughts again. Just i dont know why, i keep hoping, keep thinking, that maybe? we still had a chance because he still had feelings for me? Was it even possible that everything that happened to us was really just gone from him? Like all those memories that are still so clear to me, all those times that still make me feel so much, it cant just mean nothing at all to him anymore? but there's still a voice saying at the back of my mind, Yes, it was possible, and highly possible that it is this case, this is the truth, that he already let go. Only i continued to hold on, something that so difficult to hold on, yet, impossible to let go. Irony huh? So i went home thinking, thinking about almost everything in my life. So long a life i have lived, can just breeze through my mind in an hour of journey home. I went the way you used to take to send me home. Just like a video tape, everything replayed before me, which seemed so real. The same breeze, the same view, everything on the outside looks exactly the same besides one missing person which changed all that's going on inside, inside my heart and entire being. sending me home, such an ordinary thing to do, yet never failed to make me feel blissful, so... just simply happy. The empty space beside me, the empty feeling in my heart. I saw this spot, where you used to kiss me goodbye, right beside the elevator. Don't you remember? The feelings and everything? i just stared at that spot, for maybe a good 5 minutes? just remembering. Then i went to sit at a bench, lied down, and stared up to the sky. So dramatic, but i was playing this song: Right Here Waiting. Perhaps, this song really feels like it. I was waiting AND hoping. The light music and breeze, the sky which was so beautiful, the words that stood out from the song: Oceans apart, day after day... And i slowly go insane...i took for granted, all the times that i thought would last SOMEHOW... So i stared at the clouds, slowly moving away, the day slowly passing, as i go further away from the days we were together. The tears just flowed, just like that, they flowed out silently, my face did not twitch at all, the tears just flowed and flowed.
*sighs deeply* well, i dont have any conclusion for like my day today all my feelings, i just feel so numb, so dead. Like, im not crying anymore just typing and typing. Fortunately for me, with the swollen eyes and rotten mood, my parents are both not around. Something that is actually quite saddening and actually funny, my brother actually was desperate when he saw me crying he said: why is everyone crying today? three of my friends just broke up...
So... is today a cursed day? everyone heart breaks... but on the bright side, my heart didnt really hurt as much as some other times, where i barely could breathe.
I'm listening to the song as i type this post, actually, writing makes me feel better but i guess it isn't really enjoyable for my readers. My sincere apologies alright, it was just a reall terrible day. Just very bad.
How many of you actually felt so sad before? I wish nobody had, because i dont wish such a horrible thing on anyone at all, not even people i hate...
I am still actually sweetly hoping that maybe, my prayers would me answered, my wishes would come true, my dreams will be alive and real, and you will be here again.

**Perhaps this is what the stories meant when they called somebody heartsick. Your heart and your stomach and your whole insides felt hollow and empty and aching.**

** loving a person despite the pain he brought to you**

**Tears are words the mouth can't say nor can the heart bare**

**And maybe i deserve better, and maybe i could find better. but what's amazing is, despite knowing that... i still want nothing else... but...You.**

22 February 2013
Singapore

Sweet and lovely...

HaLo, i don't actually know why do i feel happy:P as usual for me... but well since it has been few days since i post i assume ya all missed me YEA? haha, don't tell me the truth, lemme be a happy girl. Anyways, here are some random highlights of this few days (umm can you use highlights for unhappy stuff?:o) Well, i think it was yesterday, like i had such a good day... so many reasons but even lessons was so much more special!!!! okay, i love biology alot, be it the teacher or the subject itself because it just has affinity with me okay!! (i think so) well well, show you all some pictures to share my joyy.

Angel with wings <3 picture #1

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                                                                                  \/

Angel became heart shape <3

NICEEEEE?! so preddy right! the blue black background which cast a cool effect is actually iodine plus starch, for those who actually dont know, when iodine and starch are mixed, the iodine turns blue-black from its original brown (: a little biology does not harm... then ingenious me and my partner, let's call her umm yellow?(since that is her favorite colour) So yellow and i were like randomly mixing lab substance together. then i think we dripped a drop or two of sodium hydroxide on the mixture of starch and iodine, AND THIS LOVELY EFFECT happened. Oh, i would call this mixture we came up with "Angel in the Dark" since it is like so beautiful white and blueblack. ARGHHHH so romantic <3

Then i shall touch on Him a little. aiya i decided to give him the name of DEAR. okay? (to me a fullstop behind a name means the person is VERY important to me, like i love that person) Umm so we had co curriculum activity yesterday and we actually TALKED. like first time after me and DEAR. broke, we talked. NOT only that, he laughed and smile at me. oh god, im so satisfied already. You know and i also managed to push away all negative feelings yesterday when they threatened to surface!!! I won the battle with my redundant negative feelings!! okay, i think you all dont undertsand but oh well :D

So yesterday was a great day, today did not lose okay? It was also quite lovely. Alright, i want this post to be a happy one so i wont say like this very unhappy thing that happened, oops i just talked about it. AIYA, just family WAR. but i guess it cooled down a little? will tell you all more when i feel like it:P Umm, so today i received a Valentines gift, although valentines like past long ago, but well YELLOW gave me a VERY VERY pretty bracelet. Really. OFCOURSE THERE'S PICTURE.

Thank you yellow<3

Although cant see really well ): but really, i loved it and demanded it worn on me immediately. Yes, that's how much i loved it. So, you all should be thinking this yellow is so sweet? YES, she is a adorable and sweet girl which i grew so fond of this year. She would know if she read this that im talking about her, she would start being soooooooooo shamelessly in love with herself. but she deserved whatever comments i give her, she is just so simple and sweet that i enjoy talking to her. I know she would not have any like complicated thoughts? Thank you yellow haha, really for making me happy sometimes. For a friend, you rock! I dont mention direct names in my blogposts so please dont feel hurt i didnt credit you with your name HAHA.

Oh and to make my day even more better, something hilarious actually happened. Shall change a colour to type, since i would like to highlight this incident very much.Pink because i feel like it. anyways, after school today also because i feel like it, i let down my hair on the way home with my DARLING(mentioned in previous blogpost). that's not the point, it was when i boarded the MRT when the short episode of drama happened. Like someone that didnt really get along well with me, lets just call her Flat Face since it describes her. Anyway this flat face basically commented loudly to her friend:" there's a member of 369(ganster society) behind you" (i happened to be behind her friend.) Honestly at first i was super shock, then i found it hilarious. Seriously, she was so observant she saw me let my hair down, and she was so jealous of my looks that she had to purposely comment on my appearance. Why, she really do not think before she talks, i mean, look at her. She's one of those people that really was unlucky enough to be borned with like a seriously ugly face. forgive me for being blunt people, but im serious so, i mean, she happen to look worse than a member of gangster society, and in addition to my already lightened mood, i seriously had a hard time not bursting into laughter. COMING OUT FROM HER? whatever reason for disliking me so much to try to insult me, she really has to learn to think before she speaks. REALLY DAMN FUNNY OKAY. maybe you all dont think so, but well, thank her for that little episode to make me happy. Ofcourse, for people who know me, i would not remain silent to this incident. i obviously insulted her back, call me childish, but it was fun to insult her since i didn't like her.

So end of post!! :D im still a happy girl, a few pictures of umm me. hahaha, wanted to say pretty me. Shall say it HAHAHAHA.

Okay la actually not so....

Joke face also nicer than Flat Face can...

**Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.**

21 February 2013

Singapore

Losing and then missing.

People that you care about are obviously the people you want to keep. Have all of you really felt losing someone, you would give anything just to keep them by your side? Im watching this show, this chinese show that screens this father who chooses to leave the person he loves, his daughter, by choosing death upon himself, to protect his daughter. I saw his daughter hug him so hard, like willing her father to come back, she knows, she knows he has left, but why wont he come back anymore? why must she lose him? Thats what i have asked myself a million times, a thousand times, infinite times. I still remember that day, where i remember all my previous days with this particular someone i lost, and the knowledge hit me so hard, that i will never get those days again. No physical pain, you dont feel the tears, but they are there like your whole body no longer have control of anything, and thats what we always say, breaking down. I remember how i hug myself so hard on the floor, like trying to prevent myself from going insane, but knowing that soon, very soon, i will have to bear the pain of my whole being missing someone, really just wanting him by my side, as simple as that. Something so simple, that means so much to me... How many of you felt that before? The real meaning of losing and then missing.

The cycle of feeling desperate and resolve then giving up, then hatred, then sadness, then all over again... You tried your best, you used to thing as long as you try hard enough, nothing is impossible, but im here just to prove you all wrong, prove everyone wrong because that doesnt happen. I can wait, i would, although i know i would never get that person back, why? because thats my way of making my life more bearable. I can work hard, i can get good results, what does all this mean anymore when these are not really the thing you want the most?

But i want all of the people on earth to know, theres nobody in this world that you cant live without, because im living. i've lived through all these misery, all the pain... and i plan to continue living in it. You all may say that means i dont love that person enough... I wont argue back, i would just say, i want to live on to see him, to live in the same world as him, to even see him happy without me. 

Nobody would really have the chance to say i love a certain person, and really feel it. Im glad god gave me this in this life.

This two quotes can not summarize how i feel, what i will be going through, but i hope you all realize the importance of cherish whatever you have with the people you love, you never know, you don't want to know too.

16 February 2013

Singapore

Disappointment and maybe anger?

Look at the title and you'll know this would be an emotional post. Well i'll get straight to the point, those who read my previous post or heard of it, i participated in this NEmation competition and got into the Top 10. Like obviously, today the results for the top 3 was out and i was hoping for us to get one position but haha, from my tone you could guess. Ya, we didnt get any damn position. Alright, getting this straight, i know i should be contented and BLABLABLA that i got into Top 10 at least, but oh well, im sorry im not. call me greedy, call me ungrateful or anything, BUT IM FUCKING UPSET. i will be fair, our production we used to compete wasnt really outstanding ya so why did i expect to win? god knows why but oh well... But i NEED to scold a particular person for making my day worse. This person happens to be our teacher that followed us to the prize giving ceremony, lets call him the DUCK since he smiles like one and looks rather like one too.

Lets write in bold and whatever colour this is that i dont like to reprimand him. you may find this hilarious but im extremely pissed off. Firstly, my impression of him was very bad since a long time ago. He is too gentle in other words disgustingly close to being a sissy in the way he presents himself so ya, bad impression number one. Then, he is the most thick skinned and stingy teacher i ever met due to experiences with him, trust me, you dont want me to elaborate. AND SO, he had to tag along like an irritating DUCK to our prize giving due to the fact that he was the main incharge like why the fuck?! Then he came and trust me, he acts nothing like a teacher a leader or whatever. he just put on his retarded DUCK smile and doesnt do anything of significance. HE caused us to be late for the prize giving ceremony by not asking the bus driver to stop at the right area of oyr destination so we could alight and reach as soon as possible. his mouth was shut and AGAIN set in that DUCK smile while the driver drove to the other end of the destination so we had to walk a long way. Let me tell you what i mean by he is the most retarded teacher i have ever met. All the prize winners(me and my team) although we were late, we remained calm and he became so flustered he knocked face front into a pillar while walking. TRUST ME, that scene was sooo hilarious i laughed real hard and he actually had the cheek to reprimand me, OH PLEASE. you are an idiot to be laughed at. Not only that, he is the most useless crap i have ever seen because when we learnt that we didnt get into Top 3, he just went out of the prize ceremony hall and didnt even comfort us or whatever, HE JUST WADDLE AWAY LIKE A FAT DUCK CARRYING HIS IDIOTIC back pack.  He brought the entire supporters group we brought along with him!! and we were the only team out of all ten teams without any supporters and teacher to come on stage to supposedly congratulate us on getting into Top 10. It was an embarrassing moment and i HATED to be embarrassed. SERIOUSLY, THE FUCKING DUCK IS SUCH A USELESS FOOL. FUCKING SISSY.

So ofcourse i went home feeling down and tada. the end. im still super upset about it all but i guess blogging helps? Oh and if you are wishing i wont mention HIM, you are wrong. his just one of the supporters we brought and well, luckily he didnt showed any signs of happiness when he saw that i was unhappy. if not i will just hide under my blankets tonight and cry myself to sleep. FUCK THAT DUCK ANYWAYS.

**there are times where i purposely fall into a lie i created for myself to make life bearable without you**

15 February 2013 ( 2nd post)
Singapore

Be jealous because of my splendid new year!!!

Heyya!! i know its like super duper late to post about my malaysia trip for lunar new year but well, I must share since i took like superrrrrrrrrrr lots of photos. Heh lets make this short and not boring hopefully:P

recounting...

9 February 2013: 

This day is the 30th in the lunar calendar which means New year eve. It was the day our family traveled to another state in malaysia (Taiping) to stay for 4 or 3 and a half days. On the way day i thought of blogging and couldnt resist snapping alotttt of photos to show all of you the scenery, situation or just special things on the way there just to help you'll visualize my ride there to the other state (also mostly because i was bored in the car)...



Enlightenment clouds hehhe



Random shoot

Okay so theres this super cute place where we came across during our looooong ride to Taiping, theres love dedications with lots of sweet stuff on it flashing at a certain screen (my apologies i forgot to take picture), BUT it is just nearby this traffic light which was SOOOOO EXTREMELY ADORABLE!!!! it is like heart shapeeeeeeeeeeeeee. <3 i think this is some love village or love area because it seems that its sooo special!!

These were some things to make our long and actually rather boring ride interesting as well, due to traffic jam, we had a tiresome ride. To make things worse, my uncle whom car i was in for the ride to Taiping, actually went the village way or you could call it the non-highway way to avoid the terrible jam due to a terrible accident. BUT, we reached our destination the latest because my uncle actually was so smart and LOST HIS WAY. (sense the intense sarcasm) So he was actually driving dangerously at the last part of the drive due to him being very hungry and all of us practically starving as we reached very late at night. My poor grandad actually had gastric ): But actually, dont blame my poor uncle who drove such a long way for us <3

But our spirits were lifted when we first caught sight of the mansion like house we always rent for new year !!! YAYYYYY. :D

10 February 2013:

First Day of Lunar New year YAYYYYYYY. i woke with this excitement i couldnt even explain, and so ofcourse i scrambled outta bed the fastest, and quickly got ready and wore my pweddy clothes with my NEW CONTACTS. Main point gotten across, YES, my first time wearing contacts and i had no problem due to me owning a pair of big big eyes so yea! AND OH OH, prepare people! For the flooding photos of me on the first day of new year!!

Honey brown contacts yayyy<3



I rock because no one took photo with my grandparents before #likeaboss



Are my contacts obviousss?

MAMA

PAPA



AGREE THAT I CAN MAKE THE IMPOSSIBLE HAPPEN.



Yayy so hyped up and excited i went visting. Before i left the house, i already had three BIGGEST red packets from namely my parents, uncle & his wife and my grabdparents ofcourse. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ HAHA money faceee $.$

I went to many different houses and basically ate and received red packets but as usual, the relatives would compare and comment. i received comments like " the older she gets the prettier she is", "oh she became fatter", "wow, such a pretty girl there!", "do you have a boyfriend pretty girl?" SOOOOO HAAHAA, mostly good comments... The uncle that said i became fat, HOW COULD YOU? haha, but secretly, i knew i gain weight. SHHHHHHHHH.

11 February 2013:

Second day!!! just as excited, however, nothing much to sayyyyy. besides, i remained pretty xP (shameless me) But ya we went to YET another state, Penang and received alot of red packets.



#ootd that day (;



SOOOOO ya.....

12 February 2013:

woohoo~ third day excitement dying down!!! how could this be?? so ofcourse theres something special to tell. i could say this is my favourite day... WHY? because.... PICTURES FIRST==============>

YES!!! i made wishes. like first time i ever wrote on a flying lantern( i dont know what you call it:P And i made like a long long wish but i cant tell you all, WHAT IF IT DOESNT COME TRUE AFTER I TOLD? nevermind, i never tell anyone in this whole wide universe, only god knows i know heheh:P Oh but trust me, it was the whole process of letting this thing go that kills me. WHY? The lantern flew into a wire and got entangled there! i was close to tears as i was praying viciously for the thing to fly upwards and not get stuck there forever. Because that would be like, god rejected my wish.... Imagine the joy i felt when it broke free from the wires!!!! i was jumping and hopping in high heels man!!!  I, was a happy girl that night. that day was also the day i first wore heels to shop, and got my first official pair of heels. Happy girl i was!



Fly high high, please come true my wish ><

Then i just stared at it fly until its goneee. Then that night i had my only secret i NEVER told anyone and would NEVER tell. (i guess).

13 February 2013:
Leaving my dear dear mansion like house... Byebye house... if you are wondering why i did not upload any photos of it, because im too lazy to find the quite ugly or failed shots of the house :P next time okay! if i have the chance... Actually nothing much happened heheh!

So that marks the end of my new year post, post more photos of pweddy me HEHE~(Im like doing yet another late night post so ya i need to rush!! SOWwie.

BROTHER AND ME<3

BABY NIECE (Z.X) AND ME <3333333


HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE \(" _ ")/

** However far i get involved in my life, you will always be there in the centre of everything**

15 February 2013

Singapore

Over all the hoola

Hey peeps! im back! from like what seems like a looooong time. well, it is midnight now like you know, the first few minutes of Valentines Day. 12am of valentines day im here writing a blog. Well, i actually wanted to post about how i past my Lunar New year, i took lots of photos, but i do not have much time especially when i cant find my goddamn USB wire to transfer the photos to my computer.. so you guys have to wait ya! This will be my so called Valentines post, as to why i didnt name it that, because it just feels like you know, after the new year excitement and everything, feels like it is finally time to go back to my life... Ofcourse and ofcourse and obviously you people would be: SHES DEFINITELY GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT GUY AGAIN.
Well people, LIKE DUH, it is Valentines and although he is not mine anymore, and im obviously gonna spend Valentine alone again, thinking of him. So lets start with this note to from me to him, though im quite certain he wont ever see this blog but oh well...
To you:
Hello. I dont know if at this special day, this day that should be a day we spend together, would i ever cross your mind? Or im long gone from even the deepest of your memories? Im obviously gonna spend the whole of this day thinking of us, of what we had, and of what we could have had. This day, ironically, is actually EXACTLY the fifth month we broke (since we broke at 14th september last year). Valentines day... i see so many couples so many lovers at this day... how do i feel? the usual, just waiting for whatever to happen. What about you at that other side of this place, what are you thinking, what are you doing, how are you doing? At this very day, i just hope you'll be happy and healthy. I hope you'll do well for upcoming o levels examinations, and for you to excel and do well in everything you do. No matter whatever happens to whats left of us, even if i will never have you back with me, i still wish you will be happy, really, i want you to smile always. If all the next Valentines and any other special days, i am not going to be there by your side, i am not the one, i hope whoevers with you will love and care for you like i would have. I hope that you'll love whoever she will be and make sure she love you back and last long! because i want you to get your lifelong happiness that i failed to give you.
Lastly, it was a long time since i said, but
I LOVE YOU.
i really do with all of my heart...

Ya so i will end this blogpost with that, i cant upload any photos but yea~! HAPPY VALENTINES PEOPLE<3

**See there's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me**

**Will I wait a lonely lifetime? If you want me to, I will**

**I love the sun for days, the moon for nights and you forever**

14 February 2013
Malaysia

RandOm POst BECAuse iMma Too bOred

HEY THERE! i think i am rather happy now. I dont know why but i dont seem to be emo although im rotting here at my grandmother's house! Maybe i should share about some random things like hahaha my day so far.
In this BIG BIG house of my grandma's, there is currently 3 families. Lemme make a family tree(if i can not necessarily in the house currently)
Here goes:
Grandpa+Grandma ==>
Eldest Uncle(married): Daughter one( Y ), Daughter two( J ), Daughter three( Q )
Second Uncle(married): Daughter( AL ), Son( SJ )
First Aunt(married): no children
Second Aunt(married): Daughter( XY ), Son one( JW ), Son two( JY )
My Father(married like duh): My oh so irritating brother, ME

++ Second Uncle's Daughter and Son are both married and AL has an extremely adorable daughter (ZX).

My extremely cute niece:



TOO CUTE

  ADORABLE AND EXTREMELY CUTE RIGHT.


LIKE A SUPERMODEL



HAHAHAHAHA. shes totally to hard to resist, i give her almost everything she wants. MAN. shes gonna be a killer when she grows up. Why, dont ya all just love her?

My cousins(Eldest uncle's daughters):



Thats Me and Y after we climbed a mountain



Me and J (unglam muchh)



Me and Q (YUMYUM)

Sooooo, moi one biggggg family!!!! actually still have but i dont camwhore with them, maybe in one of my new year post you'll be able to see ALL of them.

Okay, enough of my family, why not my friends? my friends that i love soooo much. I have one best friend, the closest to me like a sister i call her Kong <3 (or bitch), then also just as close and i also love her dearly, theres Chowchoww. Haha I ALWAYS have nicknames for my besties, dearies and lovelies(:
Then ofcourse theres two newest darlings SheeShee and My Baby(from my previous post). Trust me, they were there during my hardest times last year to help me collect bits and pieces of my broken heart. (like kong and chowchow were there also, they were forever there and thats why i love them).
Then theres this Babe, our friendship been through alot too, we manage to recover a HUGE misunderstanding, silently hopes our friendship stands because i just feel a bond with her. You can call her Dreamatomy and shes my so called Darling. All these friends are just so dear to me, they made my life bearable, they made me a happy girl, they lighten up my darkest days. I love you all and please dont leave my life because i dont want to lose anymore of you that i care soo much about.

 

 I JUST LOVE MY KONG <3<3<3<3

Then theres a picture of chowchow which i stole from her blog(oops) x.x



So Chio <3

Then actually you saw Sheeshee and my baby before if you read my previous posts, so just to recap

Me and them(excluding the one with the weird hair at the most left xD)

Then i hope Darling dreamatomy wont hate me for posting this cute photo of her :P



Trying to act cute ehhhh:p

Haha look at my happy friends familyyyyyyyyy. Jealous already? hahahhahaha love all of them so much, really so much. Look although i lose alot of things and people in life, there are still these people god gave me to help me live my life.
Live.Laugh.Love
So that's about it yea, my life summarised though someone not forgotten that was lost, but it is still almost perfect.

**It's funny how these people stand by you through thick and thin but you only cherish the one that hurt you most**

8th February 2013 (2nd post)
Malaysia