Suck it up

Basically I’m here to say...

wait, what was i here to say? Anyway, i'm too lazy to sleep. (doesn't make sense). But i'm da cat, cats are those type of animals that stays awake at night.

what do you call those? Nocturnal animals? yes that's it, Nocturnal.

Oh ya, I broke down in school today in front of my freaking teacher.

Simple, life sucks and people like to drag those supposedly healed wounds wide wide open.

I'm here to say we all have to learn to suck it all up.

Yes, life is meant to torture you, to try and bring you down.

is there anything we can do about it?

yes and no.

"sometimes, we don't have a choice"

like for now can i rewind and go back and get him the hell back? nope.

so i'll have to suck it all up ya, like it's all meant to be like this.

I'm crazy. i know there's this part of me that is.

Oh and anyway, although i cry always, although i always SHOWZ my weak side, although i always miss someone.

YES DESPITE EVERYTHING, don't mess with me.

i mean i can be reasonable, but i often choose not to.

what's the point.

reasonable is " boring life award".

i like to be biased.

like I've often said:

"i like you, you can do whatever fuck you want to me, i will do no shit."

"but if i dislike you, don't even attempt to mess with me, you'll be in for shit"

That should prove it.

When you are just an obedient piece of shit, you do nothing great in life.

I mean i'm a human, i am selfish.

I have all those traits deemed to be bad by whom? Humans?

I will change that, even though i can't.

I mean i want to be like that. when i don't, i'm being judged by a million expectant eyes ain't i?

I am just a teenager, at least now. I want to think like one, act like one, live like one.

I don't do the responsibility shit all the time.

i like to be reckless, i like those dangers that may cost me my life.

I'm like that.

You all.

SUCK.

IT.

UP.

Lastly to those that ever spoken bad about me.

Please look yourself in the mirror, i'm pretty certain you don't even stand a chance against me.

I'm not even trying.

so please try harder.

If you're smart, your looks are passable (which means you don't have a face that makes me wanna punch you), you are not a loner and you are not a weakling, you're fully qualified as my friend.

If you don't have any and you're just nice...

I'm sorry, you'll have to fuck off.

I don't only want friends, i want those that i need.

I'm still nice okay, just to certain people.

30 July 2013

Singapore

Love Story- love me already?

HEYYA GUYS

I'm in such a good mood oh my gosh xD Because YY remember the girl? I patched with her, became friends again. MATCHMAKED her with this SUPER DUPER COOL AND SWEET GUY. I CAN'T EVEN.

I just want to let her know i like her and only her

That's it.

Simple.

YY or nothing.

Oh mai gosh, THAT IS SAID BY HIM who really likes YY like hell. DAMMIT. AND i think YY likes him too XD ohmyyyyyy. like I am over the moon because they are just too sweet. Let's call him HH. 

AWW, i feel so desperate all of a sudden. LIKE HELLO.

MY RELATIONSHIP WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SWEETEST.

(well it WAS)

Our anniversary man. please what the hell happened. JUST COME BACK NOW WE CAN ALL PRETEND NOTHING HAPPENED.

I feel crazy now. Well allow the princess to fantasize.

YY's relationship's sweetness is overpowering X.X

I swear we should be together and love cats together.

I want you to miss me.

Love me then.

Why not love me now?

I want this love story to be beautiful.

We are supposed to work out like the best couple on earth.

*I hoping that maybe one day, my dream will come true, and the world's best love story will unfold*

** i get crazy sometimes, because that's what keeps me sane.

29 July 2013

Singapore

Reaching for the stars

Basically, Hi.

guess i'm addicted to blogging like i'm addicted to McSpicy.

yes, i'm addicted to McSpicy (gonna go fat very soon). last night i blogged, now i'm blogging again.

Am i very free? nope. but gonna pretend i am anyways. I'm at my mom's working place.

 My mom says Hi.

She is sulking, i don't know why. but can you see? i'm not actually very happy myself.

Because i feel like some dumbass, frantically grasping for stars, never once not realizing I'm unable to reach, only to catch hold of nothingness.

Someone sent me a message recently, with these exact words:

" My future is bleak"

what's wrong? because i realize i see no bright future although perhaps i am smart.

Then again, everyone asks me: what do i not have?

I don't have the brains? i don't have the looks? i don't have the money?

Now i really don't know why am i ranting here, why even am i feeling so down.

I have got red eyes. that's what i have.

no it's actually brown. ugh, whutever.

YESSSS, i know what i don't have, I don't look like a cat. ):

I wanna look like a cat. Cats are aweshumme. Although i am too :P

#justsaying

anyway darlings and dearies, i'm so sad because i secretly, silently, and quietly gained 2Kg.

?!?!?!?!?! i know right.

this is horrible. SO I"M GONNA NEED THE 2.4Km run this coming Monday. I'm gonna burn off some fats.

Cutiepie is me. i mean i am cute.

haha thanks, i know i know. Am i talking to myself? yes.

and my mom just pissed me off. 

I wish to slap her so much, my hands are itching.

ONE FINE DAY, i will rip that tongue outta her, she needs to learn how to shut up.

Fuck the hell away man. (pardon my use of pretty words)

As always, i'm obsessed with myself. it's a good thing you know, than obsessed with someone else. *hints*

because girls, you may wanna just take my advice. Don't fall, your heart will get ripped out.

Permanently.

Anyway what am i doing? i'm supposed to be studying.

But no, my mom had to give me a hard time, to remind me i was supposed to be doing something.

something like, Reach for the stars.

Ya. All my heart is nothing now.

why mommy, do you always leave me to these thoughts?

when that day comes, i might just have given up, trying.

Are the stars really.... reachable?.

Yep, it was my fault i gave up. How long do i need to pay for that mistake?

i think i know the answer. The one i wanted WITH you, but now it's me only.

Forever.

The word tastes bad even, right now.

I don't think that's all i have to say. because i am still thinking of my crush.

yes, great change of subject. HEHE, well i wonder what is he doing? (;

boly, don't tell anyone okay... don't let them know what is all this crap about. ( i know you won't tell)

#ihavenothingtodo

** i realize you're always there, never gone.

27 July 2013

Singapore

When i'm gone.

HELLO. i realize i blog at weird slash late timings. like now... 12:23 am.

I just returned from tuition so it's a little late. i mean, really late. perhaps it's not to you, but you gotta know i wake at 4.30 am in the morning?

Sorry for ranting. um so anyway what have i been up to?

HMM, some things? like perhaps i really started spending so much time with Boly, and i kinda like her a lot. ( i know you'll see this Boly) She refuses to take pictures, but anyway, i brought her to the beach/dock/seaside where me and W.Y's memories linger. WE ENJOYED OURSELVES definitely. sat on swings and stuff. OH AND, i learnt this real cool thing from this movie: Pitch perfect.

// Highly recommended movie by me//

The cup song.

 so I've been using this cup to practice.

For those outdated/ boring no lifers who don't know what is Pitch Perfect, OR the cup song, go to YouTube and search "when i'm gone the cup song"

Let the awesome girl tell you, this thing is real fun and cool. the song's simple enough. ( any dumbass could learn)

Besides that, I've also been busy ofcourse with school and my online shop. Also of course my dear crush, we'll call him C.Y. Not busy with him, just more like trying to make him just care a little more about me. ( though he gives me enough attention as it is :D)

some pictures

Just now after tuition and a long exhausting day.

Part of the reason why i'm exhausted is because I've spent a lot of my energy trying to sort out $$$$$$ money for something i'm in-charge of. It's such a large humongous big fat sum of money (okay not that much), that i really was so glad it's done. well not really. SOME WEENY LITTLE TWITS did not make payment and i'm short of S$126. I will chase after them definitely (;

Oh and i've got Biology test next week. I've been doing great in school if you've been wondering. I mean, like of course right, it's me you're talking about.

OKAYOKAY haha, and also I've got my Physical education test of a 2.4 Km run next Monday. OH MY GOSH, i'm gonna pass out, i'm gonna do so badly ARGHHHHH.

talking about the Physical fitness test brings my mood downdowndown.

Partly because, last year when i ran, there's him. yes ya right, W.Y. he was my boyfriend then. My boyfriend who gave me support, who was everything i need to make everything alright.

WHATEVER.

When i'm gone, when i'm gone~

you're gonna miss me when i'm gone.

you're gonna miss me by my hair,

gonna miss me everywhere,

you're gonna miss me when i'm gone.

Perhaps we all feel the same. I mean since he kinda always looked miserable when he saw me. Guess i still had some effect on him. (MAYBE, i'm trying to make myself happy)

will i ever? like you know perhaps, forget?

I think i'm doing well as a swimmer (;

Yup, if you ever read this W.Y, know that you actually loved me. You did. Don't talk about whether I loved you, we'll talk about YOU loved me. may i ask, : what happened?

And how imperfectly perfect our relationship was.

It increases, that heart, it used to contain me. Yes, it used to belong to me.

Last year, at this moment.

You.

Loved.

Me.

** I can like anyone else, my heart still beats, but i'll never forget those times with you when i felt the most.

27 July 2013

Singapore

Busy.

Hey guys. This is finally the end of this week. Yup it’s technically Saturday already since it’s 12:26 in the morning/ midnight. Whatever. Actually, I’m really exhausted with the long day at school at Math tuition after that. I’m having some severe headache and I need my beauty sleep. // although I’m already a beauty//

My mood is foul, I feel like crap. So you could say I would bite your head off if you messed with me in this state. UGH. Firstly, like bullshit. My brother is an immature fucked up little sucker man. HEY, he’s 18 and he still thinks like he’s in Kindergarten!! HAS HE SUCH A LOW LEVEL OF INTELLIGEANCE? Best thing, he calls ME naïve. HELLO. He’s the one making a mountain outta a molehill, making his really-not-so-important feelings seemed like such a big thing -.- will explain further another time.

# I’m too lazy #

got a lil obsessed with my phone's front camera WITH A TIMER.

or more like i love myself.

and anyway, tomorrow's gonna be real busy day for me. I'm travelling all around Singapore for meetups with my customers.

SIGHPIE. I'm gonna be exhausted.

postage and meetups :/

so i actually feel quite successful.

but hey, i'm tired thus, i'm gonna turn in.

Laters babies. <3

** I realized the importance of you through going through stages without you.

20 July 2013

Singapore

Teenage

DARLINGS, we meet again! Actually, i WAS in a rather outraged mood before, perhaps an hour or two ago. However, it has turned for the better. What have i been up to? School, my online shop (currently very successful), friends...

Very much back to what it should be, Teenage lives, ain't it?

Because i'm cool this way?

Yep, it was something like that, something like arrogance. Something like shameless. lastly, something like...

AWESHUMMENESS. <awesomeness>

YEP. i really really aim to live with my head high, I've succeeded for quite awhile already, not intending to back down.

WaNNA know why? Cats never back away.

They fight back with style.

Prettaye ain't it? Yep, i admire them for every thing.

Every part of them leaves me in awe; from the beautiful appearance, to the classical demeanor, none of which is not worth my marvel.

Job of a cat. Yup, this screams :" Do not mess with me"

So warning to SOME people out there (boly knows who i'm talking about), it's not that i'm afraid, i'm just too good to be messing around with you.

BUT.

Don't cross the lines.

HI

i was in major "self photography mode" yesterday XD

Oh and anyway, news people news :P The title states "Teenage". IT MEANs, CYNTHIA has finally resumed her teenage life. Basically what is the most essential in a teenage GIRL's life?

Money? i have that. but nope.

Friends? Fake ones denied, otherwise i already have them. nope.

Clothes? don't get me starting on my wardrobe.

Appearance, Social Status, image? I lack none so nope.

CRUSH. YESYESYES that's the answer. It was such a long time, at least it feels like to me, that I've crushed on anyone. 

*secret laughter*

but if you think i'm gonna tell you who is it, YOU ARE GONNA HAVE TO THINK AGAIN.

AWWWWWW, so excited, because i am crushing on some guy <3

oh blahblahblah, ignore W.Y for today, i can't seem to be bothered today.

I told ya i was obsessed over myself yesterday.

 I KNOW I KNOW, i needa work on those legs :P

but already am awesome.

**my imperfections are what makes me perfect**

 I'm out to snatch, i play the game of "life", the way i want to.

I set the rules, you abide by them.

Because why? I live like an arrogant cat.

whutever. XP

By the way, me and my KONG. are back to being best bitches.

If you ever see thing KONG. , i'm always in love with you alright.

Goodbye.

17 July 2013

Singapore

A little closer

Hello people. I spent the whole day out today with the debaters. It was a great day, seeing  that i had a great time with one of the China scholars (: we talked about so many things. so manymanymanymanymany. I finally got another teeny little question of mine answered, duh, obviously W.Y. haha over the misery for him, but never over those memories, those are what i can't choose, ain't it?

so that's her and meh :P

"how is he doing?"

i feel so touched, with many feelings rushing throughout my entire being.

he's been very good, very funny, very cute.

i actually feel like i entered his life once again, this time, as a spectator.

"he is such a funny person, SICK and DISGUSTING" so says my debater friend who told me all about him and what he does in class.

Ya, still as dumb, still as sick in the mind, still as proud of himself.

Just one small difference, not mine. ^^ for the first time, it's alright. it really is, despite the tears welling up in my eyes as i laughed and smile at every of his antics again, from his classmate instead of him, i was genuinely happy he's doing well without me.

Let's call her F.Y. (my debater friend AKA W.Y's classmate). F.Y treated me to a restaurant Astons' , where we spoke about life.

My dinner <3

We spoke about so many things. HEY, we don't always speak about W.Y only okay. Anyway, i was near tears so many times today, not really sad. Perhaps, regret and some unhealed wounds.

random photos.

the above is one activity that i did during the June holidays. Yes, i had a great june holiday, but it'll never beat last year's. Anyway, the above is "prawning place". you know "fishing"? ya, i did "prawning" because i'm too cool for fishing (8

Activities i did again. I guess ever since W.Y, i started to take many pictures.  snips and snaps of my life. Possibly because i'm too afraid, that probably i'll lose faster than my heart and mind could register. I could use the pictures to recover from shock. Then, adapt.

I'm an expert in this field-adaptation.

{ speaks crap, please bear with me}

Side note: the picture on the shapes, ugly ones, is where i did Community service at the nursing home for the old. I drew those lame shapes for them to cut. :P

Anyway let's get back to being emotional. HAHA. DID YOU ALL THINK : "AGAIN" ?

Ya la, i just touch on it briefly.

so yea, me and F.Y talked about my parents too. i explained how much i resent them. you know, because me and W.Y drifted apart because of them.

Long story cut short, their control over me after they found out about US, disallowed us to communicate in any form. Thus, we drifted apart, leading to the devastation of my life. (Drama queen is me)

Tears.

"I'm okay with my parents taking away anything from me. Since young they have taken almost everything i liked. but, no, i can't forgive them this time."

They took him away.

Tears flow.

Those who don't read Chinese, let me translate:

Hiccups & burps

The definition of love is where, through constant hiccups, daily burps, two people grow old together, become ugly together, and also become more free and easy, more happy alongside each other.

what i wanted so much and what seemed like a possible future, blissful future.

It's a beautiful night,

we're looking for something dumb to do.

Hey baby,

I Think I Wanna Marry You.

 **That's what i wanted, what they took away**

#quotes from Bruno Mars, Marry You

13 July 2012

Singapore