I've got a new teddy bear.

This might be a surprise because my examinations are near but I'm not focused.

Relax, I am.

Just a question to you guys and if some kind soul could give me an answer with an explanation, I would be grateful.

I have a new teddy bear.

I've bought many teddy bears but after I've hugged them for awhile it never was what I wanted.

Then I did found one special one before. It was what I wanted, I wanted to hug it to sleep forever and wake up next to it forever.

But it was a teddy bear that I know I cannot keep forever because some wealthy girl had already placed order on it.

By some mistake it got sold to me but the wealthy girl would claim it back sooner or later.

I chose to keep the teddy bear and take good care of it, even though I know the more time I spent with it, the more difficult it will be when it leaves.

Sure enough, months after spending time with it every day and night, I had hope it'll stay. But I had to be the one to send it away in the end.

It had to go because it wasn't mine in the first place.

I cried the nights because I cannot accept it left for real.

A year passed and I still missed it's smell and it's warmth.

Then another year passed and I finally made up my mind:

I will never buy a teddy bear and love it so much like I did to that teddy bear.

Nothing would stay with me forever.

Then you one day, I saw a teddy bear.

It looks like a teddy bear you wanted years before, but never did go and buy it.

Then by chance it by fate, someone gave it to you as a present.

I love the teddy bear. I'm beginning to feel like I've found yet another teddy bear I love a lot.

But you realize it was yet another mistake.

Yet another one.

This teddy bear could always be bought by any wealthy girl. It would be given to anyone else and it's just a matter of time a wealthy girl come by and buy it.

However long it stays with you depends entirely on fate.

But you know it'll leave you.

And you know it'll hurt. Again.

It's like a huge danger sign.

Oh but you've hugged it before, you know how comforted it makes you feel, how you feel this is where you belong.

This is what you thought won't ever happen again, a teddy bear you thought you'd never meet because you won't love one as much as you did with the other one before.

But it came and it's going to go.

Just like the other one. Just like it.

Here's the question I have.

Do you give the teddy bear away to a rich person now and maybe earn a huge sum outta it but miss it the rest of your life?

Or do you keep it with you until it's time for it to leave, and cherish the only time and only chance you have with it before it doesn't belong to you anymore?

What should I do?

Because either way it'll hurt.

It'll hurt so fucking bad.

I love the teddy bear. Remember, I love it when I thought I would never love a teddy bear again.

I love it with all my heart.

I was afraid but I took the risk. I bought another teddy bear and hugged it and loved it.

But it's another mistake and now,

I'm stuck.

29 September 2014

Singapore

I'm on drugs.

Gwhwushjakabajakakakahakswkzhiskskaja.

Basically, hey.

I feel as if I'm on drugs because I had a very very happy day.

With a very very happy week before.

But I'm also VERYVERY stressed at the back of my mind.

I should be starting to work very hard because the real deal is coming.

The real ordinary level national examinations. (I can't even bear to hear myself)

But. I haven't been really hardworking.

Managed to catch up with my exercise, but I'm eating in excess day after day.

But, well here trots a guy into my life.

Okay do not freak out.

This is not a guy, I can see that.

It just started with teachers Day this year.

Was reunited with my primary school pals.

SM. (Already in my current school)

Had a great game of frisbee and had muscle aches but overall was awesome day out with most lovely company.

That guy, he was in my life for 10 years and 6 years before when I had a major crush on him.

6 years later by a twist of fate, we fell for each other.

Movie material.

I wonder who?

I didn't know what to expect. I couldn't do anything about my feelings (who could?).

I decided to be best of friends. Bestest of friends with that guy.

FIRST

So...

Now this absolutely shows JUST friends. Absolutely.

(Because we are so "not" sharing seats) and it's just like saying:

 you know that bird over there? It's not a bird

Yep //friends for 10 years//.

A decade is a long time to know someone.

And it's a long time to discover that hey, you still have feelings for him.

Caught a movie: step up.

 a girl and a guy, watching a movie AS FRIENDS, it is POSSIBLE. (Not.)

yes it is. Okay, so, just friends. Not dating or anything.

But ...we got so addicted.

We caught a second movie, for early celebration of his birthday. 

Maze runner.

(Very innocent pose, because all girls rest on their FRIENDS shoulder, ya.)

Does early celebrations means you can't celebrate on the day itself?

No,Early celebrations means one EXTRA celebration because we're JUST friends.

On the day of his birthday itself though.

His mom is one lovely woman. Dotes on him a lot. In fact, too much.

Looks like I'm gonna do the same too. XD

Someone's obsessed with my face/cheeks.

To prove my point.

So yep. We've spent a lot of time with together.

Well we're not friends, to answer most of your questions.

So maybe slightly more than friends but slightly short of lovers.

I'm so sorry for the lack of updates people. I'm having exams, right now I'm having a guy.

To you if you're reading this: 

I will say it, and it's definitely to you.

When I'm sure I mean it.

thank you for entering my life, or more like coming back into it when I really need you.

My results are still bad, just this morning I made up my mind.

 I'm not saying what I made up my mind to do.

I feel like everytime I say it, I cursed it. It won't happen.

Okay, whatever.

Bye <3

OH, for those taking O levels with me, just because I love to stress people up:

WE'RE LEFT WITH 26 DAYS

21 September 2014

Singapore