The jewel, at the bottom of my heart.

Well hello guys. Let's see... ain't you all who knows me well expecting my upload on this very day? yep, it's the day. 11th June, yes, W.Y's birthday. hmm... so now there's the anticipation, wait what? she hates him now or... did what everybody fear come true? she's back to the miserable self? oh yes, i'm ranting. bear with me peeps. Many could happen in a few days. Firstly, i got many unanswered questions answered. Yes, during the relationship i had so many questions so many doubts, then all of a sudden, unexpectedly, they all got answered. What, when, how? yupyup, relax people, i will get a little into the story soon... but well, i'm not gonna go back to the weakling who cried her eyes out everyday... but nope, i can't hate him anymore. Wanna know why? because he cared, far more than i thought possible, for me and i, let him down so much such that, i am really ashamed to even deem myself fit as his girlfriend.

I spoke to his close friend a few days ago, and she told me everything. And how shock i was, to know that i knew nothing, about the guy i claimed to have loved so dearly. because he, never did open up to me. W.Y never wanted our relationship to be open, i used to wonder why. i thought of reasons which seemed reasonable then, but ridiculous now. i thought he was ashamed to have me as his girlfriend, or maybe he had someone he like that he didn't wanna let her know he's attached to me... all these reaons which ached my heart so much those times... then i realized how awfully wrong i was. the reason, the real reason at the bottom of his heart is because :HE WAS TOO AFRAID TO LOSE ME, HE BELIEVED THAT OPEN RELATIONSHIP DON'T LAST LONG, AND BECAUSE ALL THE TRENDS HAVE SHOWN THE OPEN RELATIONSHIPS DON'T LAST, HE TRIED SO HARD TO PROTECT OUR RELATIONSHIP. Why, W.Y why, why didn't you ever tell me? what your heart was thinking, how much i could give to just find that out... but now... everything's too late.
Not only so, i found out that every time he quarreled with me, he would be really moody in class and it would be really obvious to everyone. So, i affected him that much? what i would've given to know. not only so, his class had some issues with his close friend, and hence, has issues with him and his entire clique once. and guess what? because his class knew of our relationship, they criticized me too. the best thing was, W.Y kept mum all the while when his class discriminated him, but when his class pulled me into the matter too, he actually turned against them for me. My protective boyfriend.... and he told me he actually fought with his classmates because of me, i did not believe then... and so it turns out to be true. What did i do? i ruin my relationship... i ruined it all...

Yes that's me and him. how happy we were. (i couldn't expose him, because i don't think he'll want me to) Yep and that's the dock/seaside/beach i mentioned before. I'm not grieving or anything again, i'm sad definitely. Sad that it was meant this way, sad that we didn't understand each other better... though i admit, it was more of me not making enough effort to think through my actions. so right here... 

So this is me, 

swallowing my pride,

standing in front of you,

saying "i'm sorry for that night"

and i'll go back to December all the time

Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,

wishing i'd realized,

what i had when you were mine,

and i'll go back to December and make it all right...

( for me it's September though... 14th September)

So well ya, happy birthday dear, probably something you'd not hear me call you again. i won't wish you yes i won't, because i won't remind you of the relationship you tried so hard to maintain, but fall apart. i won't spoil this day for you no.

These days, i haven't been sleeping,

staying up playing back myself leaving,

when your birthday passed, and i didn't call.

then i think about summer all the beautiful times,

i watched you laughing from the passengers side,

and i realized i loved you in the fall...

and then the cold came,

the dark days when fear crept into my mind,

you gave me all your love, and all i gave you was goodbye...

So, on a lighter note, i'm done venting all my frustrations, and yes i cried. but i'm happy alright, to know after all, he cared so much, so very much. Let's talk about life recently with the aid of manymany photos because i'm not talkative anymore for today.

I went crazy under the rain, and baby, i love the rainnnnnnnnn.

Okay wondering who's that? that's my brother's girlfriend, whom i've spent like what? 3 days with her and am thoroughly in love with her haha :P okay she's looking at me post this so kinda am lost for words. But alright to be honest, we spoke about anything and everything, and by everything, i mean literally everything under the sun (: i'm looking forward to so many more days ahead with her but sadly, tonight i'm leaving for Malaysia  but the woman can't come. Boohooo ): ( SHE STILL HAS THE CHEEK TO LAUGH BESIDE ME)okay nevermind, but i'll call her CT<3

okay so i have the sudden discovered affection for cats. KITTY CAT. YESYESYES i love them, even my clothes have them. yep^^ i even set up a home and bought food (okay, i didn't pay for the food, lovely boly did). so i actually fed them, like many many of them, but the most to the milky brown kitty above? (till now i have no idea whether is it a male or a female) ITS NAME IS MILKSHAKE. oh and it loves me and i love it yayy <3 i know that's very little description but oh well...

But if we loved again,

i swear i'd loved you right...

i'd go back in time and change it,

but i can't...

*quotes from Taylor swift, Back to December

11 June 2013

Singapore