The bright lights
The indescriptable wrench
The laughter I heard from my mouth
The weird amused feeling for the reactions I'm having
The floating feeling
The sudden exhaustion.
Then the emptiness.
The serene silence.
I found the way out. I finally understand why other people want to end their lives.
I look happy, how did it feel like to be happy?
What about your bright future?
The person you love?
Everything you've worked hard for?
I don't see it anymore. Just let this pain go away.
I'm so tired of them.
They don't have the right to say they love me, that they care about me.
That is simple not possible because how could they cause me the pain I'm feeling now?
The knife I used to cut myself
Now I fully understand.
It's so satisfying to cut yourself because you know you're doing something.
At least you're not letting it pass like every other day there is.
16 years have passed and I'm already a teenager.
But the pain hasn't stopped.
My life hasn't turned for the better.
I'm worried of being fat, of my results, of being ugly.
I don't have parents that care, that support me, that understand me.
That I could say I love.
I only have myself.
Maybe I should stop holding on.
Maybe I should stab my throat.
Again and again and again.
Until it hurts so much that I forget my troubles.
That I can forget to hold my screams in.
My tears can flow because I need not worry how it will be after that.
There's no after.
I will go away.
It hurts so much.
It WILL hurt so much if I stabbed my throat.
I'd be bleeding and I'll feel my life drain away.
Then what will happen to this guy whom I claim I loved?
Then what happens of our love?
It matters actually.
Because even as I'm drying, I still hurt inside.
I just wish those things that call themselves my "parents" won't ever take him away from me.
Like they did with another guy I loved.
Because the guy they managed to break me apart from, was someone I'm willing to die for.
I literally am willing to lose everything for him.
And it had hurt so much I've lost it.
Now I had it again, I had love again.
This time is someone I'm willing to live for. I'm willing to stay on and be the best person I can be for him.
Don't take him away please?
Can I please get one of your parents so that I can lead an easier life?
Yes I want the easier way out.
Please, anything?
Singapore
No comments:
Post a Comment