Life at it's most difficult.

Well hi! it was a long time i guess... Was busy, exhausted and basically, not available to blog. Well let's start with everything that has been happening in my life recently. It's really a spur of confusion, really not good at all. Okay the only good thing is, i have tuition with Boly!!!! Actually i already had four lessons and tomorrow's the fifth. Not only so, this is the first tution i have in my life. Oh god, how i wish im home schooled now, i will do a million times better^^ well, life aint that good so...

Having my first tution, guessed the subject already? MATH.

And my tutor is so awesome that he bought food and drinks for us! this is called egg-let. (not sure how do i spell it)

So that's actually a tiny comfort, tuition is fun! Well the rest is bad, the rest is real real bad): im so sorry people for the previous post with abrupt ending, and this going to be another emotional post... sorry guys. How about my co-curriculum activity? The one where W.Y is in the same activity as me? Well, the year 4s, seniors are going to graduate from school after taking the GCE olevels examinations, which determine which college they go to. well, did i tell you? that W.Y and the other seniors in the cocurriculum activity will leave the cca and have a hand down ceremony, where we, year 3s, will take over the cocurriculum activity organisation. Well, i wanted honestly, to be the president or at least the vice president of the organisation... BUT, although the seniors know i have the potential, for some reason they think some other person with no leadership qualities (what i think la) at all, is a better choice than me. I may sound jealous, but IM TELLING YOU, she has nothing but the ability to follow and listen to instructions like a dog! SO YA, no president or vice president position, which caused me to curse and swear, but blame myself, i was confident that i'll get the position so i didnt really perform at all for the interview to fight for the position. how wrong i was... WELL, not only so, when they hand down, all the seniors will most likely, NOT COME FOR COCURRICULUM ACTIVITY anymore!!!! That obviously includes W.Y. well, you all must be wondering: I thought this Cynthia is over W.Y. ask my idiotic heart man, it hurts at the thought of not being able to see W.Y that often anymore... I guess, one's heart doesnt stop loving? Whatever it is, I already gave up hope on getting back together with him long ago, is that counted as letting go? You all will us, THEN, what happens to E.C? that's my point, im becoming such a bitch. I dont want to lose both of them. or perhaps i have none of them so what's with the losing? E.C is becoming really unhappy lately): i'm worried, upset and really feeling the heartache. what's with the guys i meet in my life? anyway readers, help me. ive been in a lousy mood, and ive been crying alot lately. for both E.C and W.Y. both leaving and graduating soon. I'm terrified of the day they'll leave. And E.C, help me guys, tell me how do i make him happier and forget about all the negative things in his life for once, and take care of his health, he's ill >< i'm worried.... Dear, can you please take care of yourself? Hope he listens to me...

OHHH AND... discovery of hidden ability to draw... during emotional times

Story behind this, well i feel like i'm giving up on people, and giving up on caring for them. I sometimes really feel empty inside, like there's nothing for me that i should feel. Nobody that is mine to care. I'm really tired. There's really times where i want to let go of everything, and stop being happy.
Being Without the Soul.

This is the feeling where behind the strength, beauty and elegance, is the dead, lifeless and dark side.
Death of the Living.

This is the drawing where i felt like i could protect the love i have, guard it like an angel, within the darkness i'm feeling. Maybe that's why i love the night...
Dark Angel.

Ya so, who would've thought i was capable of drawing? And so.... Ya... My life is really rapidly turning to it's worst. expect worst people. And my mid year examinations, the second most important from the End of year examinations, is arriving. I would be stressed and busy. So maybe i wont upload for a long time? But anyway, sorry guys for the late and emotional rantings but... ME AND E.C are still working, I HOPE? i still kinda care alot about him, so E.C, pleasepleaseplease, i hope we go back to happy us (':

**When we can't dream any longer we die**

**their heart grew cold they let their wings down**

5 April 2013

Singapore