Goodbye 2013

I’m gonna say hi, to 2014.

One of the most crucial years next year.

Anyway, I won’t to the same kind of reflection for this year as for 2013.

Because this is not a flashback, but it’s right now, it’s happening.

I’m watching the countdown on TV as I’m writing this too.

and guess what?

the famous boy band "THE WANTED" is in Singapore.

god dammit, how did i manage to be ignorant to this even?

but whatever.

ughhh their voice.

give me a fan-girl moment.

2013

H3llo, that was what I said to 1^st January 2013.

*blink*

Today, last day of 2013.

How fast was that?

the start of this year,

i wasn't recovered from the previous year's setbacks.

in fact, i may be still in the midst of getting back up.

but anyway, i believed there are traces of evidence here in this blog,

pieces of crap that i came up with while mourning for a lost but most cherished relationship.

some of you may scoff,

really? because of a guy?

yes, even that happens to me.

i went through these days with sort of an overcast over me,

negativity overwhelming me.

to be honest,

i didn't see much meaning in living then.

perhaps it was because i was too much of a coward to take my own life.

but i did things foolish enough,

or it's more of,

i didn't do anything about my life.

i left life as it is,

like a piece of waste,

i was left to rot.

i refused to believe the relationship was lost though.

i kept hoping,

regardless the countless times i've announced "i'm over this",

i was never done with the tears.

crying every single night for around 6 whole months?

got myself into loads and loads of trouble,

ranging from family, to school then with friends,

i also got the worst disgrace of my life.

what i thought was supposed to be a glamorous life,

a life one would be proud to relate.

and so i thought.

instead,

from a leader i was,

from the intelligent student i was,

from the bright and quick witted girl i was,

i became the lowest of the lowests.

the worst, of the worsts.

i don't think there's a need to elaborate on that?

but all i did,

was basically to get even more miserable,

and to allow myself to sink even more towards the bottom of the pits.

stop.

stop about these then.

i guess perhaps it isn't such a good idea to go back to where i came from?

well,

i just suddenly decided that maybe life was something more than a relationship,

something more than love.

there's got to be more to life,

than the useless flashbacks,

the useless hope,

and the useless tears i've shed for this one love.

i started off with something that i could possibly change in a short run.

my appearance,

or more like my figure.

i've been working out and lost 7kg in 5 months.

i succeeded.

i've been studying too.

i manage to improve though there isn't much i can do to my year's results anymore.

it wasn't a regret though,

it was a lesson well learnt.

it allowed me to find new reason to life.

that perhaps i should start living for myself.

to me:

love is caring about someone,

more than you care for yourself.

i've found one but he's not mine to care about.

so what do i do?

as you all like to say,

life goes on.

so yes.

i've decided to make my life better,

so much better.

new year resolution?

i wanna do well for the upcoming examinations,

not because of anything,

but because i can.

because i should have been at the top.

i'm gonna slim down even more,

not to some shocking extent,

just enough to impress myself.

i will do it,

this is not self encouragement,

but i can do it,

i have what it takes. 

my verdict/conclusion to this year:

do you dare?

i'm up for the game,

you yes you,

you will know its you i'm talking about.

i'm gonna shine so bright,

and i'll wait,

for the results of the only battle that i couldn't determine whether it's my victory anot.

it's a risk,

i will take again,

gladly.

that's my conclusion.

you'll understand (:

the wanted are signing "i found you"

YES MAN.

HOT MEN SINGING,

GOODBYE.

11:45

31 December 2013

Singapore