i know there are a thousand stars up there, but...

HI.

i know i promised that this post would say:

pictures speak a thousand words.

but firstly, i'm too lazy to post all the photos,

secondly, i think we shouldn't be living in the past, should we?

but there'll be photos and i obviously got my phone with me.

well that's my cousin.

one thing we did quite often, is to swim.

just incase you don't get me,

i meant when they came for a stay of in singapore.

that's ofcourse the cousin that's like a sister to me,

the one that got so much closer to me.

call her Yinn.

well, i think i look like a pageant queen in this picture.

not feeling good about myself but yeah.

i did charity and was taken picture of so...

oh and happy belated xmas people! i know it's really late but what's with studies and all...

you could tell that my enthusiasm level isn't high but well,

i haven't much vigor left in me, or whatever it is.

recently i feel like an old woman,

who've been through so much and am really tired.

so just one christmas picture(:

so that's another cousin, who claims that she loves me every minute.

call her qian.

oh this picture reminds me...

yep, i got a new hairstyle.

i curled my hair.

somehow i feel that such an important year ahead,

such a huge battle,

it feels like the beginning and a brand new start to the determination of my future.

see. i told ya i'm abit "old" these days.

so let's start on some matters that i've got in my heart.

this blog feels like a diary to me,

it has been created during the darkest days of my life.

somehow,

it always feels better to write.

i know that i will do well in the year ahead,

examinations and all.

i know i will.

but i know i will suffer and pay for what i want.

i know it's hard work.

i feel so small,

like i'm trying to be brave.

what am i talking about.

i just said i was "old",

now i'm small.

*sigh*

i am lucky because i have a clear goal already.

i would not reveal my goal,

but i already have a clear picture of my future.

because i no longer believe in miracles,

no longer trust in surprises,

i have a fixed road i have chosen for myself.

the years ahead would be so difficult,

but starting january 1st 2014,

i'm prepared for any shit life has got for me.

i think life has forced me in seeing sense,

into realizing that i have a long way in life to go;

to long to risk any time thinking about the past.

no matter how much it means to me.

hope

is a liar.

you don't hope,

you act.

only when you put your thoughts into action,

things will happen.

i know there are a thousand stars up there but i just need to shine the brightest.

i just need to shine and i'll be happy.

happiness is what one earns.

if you don't work hard for it,

you can never ensure it stays.

let's discuss the universal topic,

the topic everyone spits about,

every gossip tend to burn about,

and everyone seems to care about.

materials.

so?

we all say,

like saints do,

like everyone speak,

like how the words form easily and naturally,

we all define:

"materialism is what causes the war, the bloodshed and the cold hearts in humans"

elders shake their heads and comment:

"what's most important aren't things and possessions"

exemplary students would declare:

"love is what grants us happiness, not our countless achievements or material goods."

well i'm here to ask:

is that so?

but in this world we are living in,

in the battle or beings are fighting in,

isn't that all we need?

people of the society stood firm and spoke of righteousness, of values and principles, of care and concern and of love and trust.

i have been screaming in my head,

protesting in my heart,

please!fools, stop the lies.

because if you were that great,

you'd be saints.

admit it, we all slog and work hard all our lives.

what was it for?

to be saints?

i think not.

what i understand from this phrase above is this:

we need a balance of bright and dark,

rich and poor,

victories and defeats.

because only with the contrast,

we differentiate between us.

some may ask,

why must there be a difference?

because that is exactly what all of us has been working hard for,

has been living for,

what all our hopes and dreams has been depending on and eating off from.

it's what we define success.

it is that important isn't it?

in life,

to win and to achieve is just that important.

such that i've learn to be ignorant to everything,

to focus on winning this battle.

only with darkness will you see light.

those people holding the positive light,

looking for hopes and dreams,

waiting for surprises to come when you turn the corner,

being careful and preparing for future danger,

you're all looking at the wrong things.

you're all believing the wrong things.

because only without the light,

without those distractions and what i define as myths,

will you see clearly where's the goal,

the light you should be heading for.

and not what you think you're holding on to.

but this world,

it is funny.

if there is a god,

he must be mocking at us.

28 December 2013

Singapore