Losing and then missing.

People that you care about are obviously the people you want to keep. Have all of you really felt losing someone, you would give anything just to keep them by your side? Im watching this show, this chinese show that screens this father who chooses to leave the person he loves, his daughter, by choosing death upon himself, to protect his daughter. I saw his daughter hug him so hard, like willing her father to come back, she knows, she knows he has left, but why wont he come back anymore? why must she lose him? Thats what i have asked myself a million times, a thousand times, infinite times. I still remember that day, where i remember all my previous days with this particular someone i lost, and the knowledge hit me so hard, that i will never get those days again. No physical pain, you dont feel the tears, but they are there like your whole body no longer have control of anything, and thats what we always say, breaking down. I remember how i hug myself so hard on the floor, like trying to prevent myself from going insane, but knowing that soon, very soon, i will have to bear the pain of my whole being missing someone, really just wanting him by my side, as simple as that. Something so simple, that means so much to me... How many of you felt that before? The real meaning of losing and then missing.

The cycle of feeling desperate and resolve then giving up, then hatred, then sadness, then all over again... You tried your best, you used to thing as long as you try hard enough, nothing is impossible, but im here just to prove you all wrong, prove everyone wrong because that doesnt happen. I can wait, i would, although i know i would never get that person back, why? because thats my way of making my life more bearable. I can work hard, i can get good results, what does all this mean anymore when these are not really the thing you want the most?

But i want all of the people on earth to know, theres nobody in this world that you cant live without, because im living. i've lived through all these misery, all the pain... and i plan to continue living in it. You all may say that means i dont love that person enough... I wont argue back, i would just say, i want to live on to see him, to live in the same world as him, to even see him happy without me. 

Nobody would really have the chance to say i love a certain person, and really feel it. Im glad god gave me this in this life.

This two quotes can not summarize how i feel, what i will be going through, but i hope you all realize the importance of cherish whatever you have with the people you love, you never know, you don't want to know too.

16 February 2013

Singapore