We shall start from back in school yesterday, when i was feeling down almost the whole day due to the fact that i was going to leave... Leave Singapore, my friends and HIM. HEH, sounds like im gonna die(touchwood). But oh well, to add on to my MISERY, HE had to stab my heart.
Well, we had a break in school and i happen to be around his class then, and ofcourse he had to be there. As usual after we broke, he did not acknowledge me... Continued to laugh and have fun with his friends... HOWEVER, this time was so heartbreaking because, he was teasing one of my friends(quite close to me previously), A GIRL, and he was having so much fun doing that. He called her name, his voice, her name... and i felt the pain hit my heart before i knew it was jealousy. I got in a daze after that. I dont know what to feel, having him tease and addresse another girl like that... I just felt like my heart sank to the pits. So after that, I had to have a test, a mathematics test and me being me, I just did it numbly, ofcourse badly because i didnt even focus on the paper. His voice calling her name was like a mental recorder, it replayed a million times in my mind. You could see, my mood was sooo bad, just so bad.
Then school ended, and i knew i had to leave Singapore very soon. I only bid farewell to my close friends, and had a heated debate with myself of whether to say goodbye to him. I end up NOT doing so, just so i dont risk my heart another stab. But although my friends had well wishes and sweet messages to me, it all didnt cheer me up one bit. First time in my entire life i felt so upset to leave Singapore for Lunar New Year. I was thinking, what if? For Valentines Day(14 Ferbruary) and im not back yet, and HE celebrates it? I think i would cower into my bedsheets and hide there and cry my silent tears... To add to my already dampen mood, it was a wet day. As you can see(from above picture), it was raining... A heartache just before i leave.
I blasted music in my car the whole 5 hours journey back to malaysia (KL). I tried to cheer myself up but i guess i failed.
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| Pretty View |
Finally, i reached. At 12am at night. I was dead beat then. But late at night i was enjoying the view from the balcony of my house in malaysia...
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| Neighbouring houses |
Then i finally was willing to lay my head holding a million thoughts down on my pillow... And i did a recount of the days events. Finally, I knew that i was making the mistake i made when i was in the relationship. I got jealous for no reason again. i mean, his friends also teased her, that doesnt mean anything right? he was just doing what his friends were doing and having fun? i shouldnt be jealous for no reason again. And that WAS him. I knew him well, he liked to tease people to irritate them and finds it fun... So i understood, and termintaed all my redundant thoughts. I made a loooong loooong prayer to i dont know who (the sky hehe) about him. CANT say later it doesnt come true... Haha so i guess having my troubles lifted from me, i could sleep! and slept instantly <3
So now back to my day TODAY, it is only noon and oh god, it is already superbly crowded here in my grandmother's house(also known as my malaysia house). And i woke up guess whats my first thought? IF YOU GUESSED ITS SOMETHING TO DO WITH HIM. you're wrong!!!! HAHA. It is this friend i made at the end of last year, which i grew to like alot this year and loves to her, IT IS HER SPECIAL DAY TODAY. I will not mention her name but she is a really great person, really good friend and has a great personality.
DEDICATION TO HER: Dear lovely friend, if you ever see my blog, heres my message to you. Ofcourse, happy 15th birthday.(i chose purple because it's your favourite colour) WELL, i heard that you are not really happy there in Singapore and this very day, this day which is your day. Im really sorry for not being able to celebrate with you and not being there due to this very very dumb trip to malaysia. BUT I SEND MY LOVE TO YOU DEAR. I want you to be happy, because you deserve to be. I also wish you can be more confident in yourself and learn to love yourself i think you are a unique and great individual. I hope you know im not saying this just to make you happy, i mean each and every word i say in this message. My dear, you have a great family, and an adorable face, what more do you want? Enjoy today and each and every other day of youre life, Theres me who love you right here.
YOUR BABY,
THUA <3
Oh and an inside joke for those who heard of it from me, this is methane's dressing HAHAHAHAHA.
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| #ootd HAHA |
** You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth**
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth**
8th February 2013
Malaysia
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