What's with today?

Alright, my previous post was a great day and so just like a cycle, a curse, today has to be a terrible day. Today, everyone's mood is bad, everyone i meet, every fucking minute of today sucks. everyone has dark faces, upset expressions, and lousy mood. And of course, i have too. How do i say it, it is just one of those days, the happy memories don't make you happy, they hurt you deeply. Co-curriculum activity again today at school, co curriculum is all Wednesdays and Fridays. So ya, i catch DEAR. looking at me, i caught his eye a few times, from the corner of my eye i could also see him looking at me. What do I feel? I don't know, it is not that I'm having negative feelings or thoughts again. Just i dont know why, i keep hoping, keep thinking, that maybe? we still had a chance because he still had feelings for me? Was it even possible that everything that happened to us was really just gone from him? Like all those memories that are still so clear to me, all those times that still make me feel so much, it cant just mean nothing at all to him anymore? but there's still a voice saying at the back of my mind, Yes, it was possible, and highly possible that it is this case, this is the truth, that he already let go. Only i continued to hold on, something that so difficult to hold on, yet, impossible to let go. Irony huh? So i went home thinking, thinking about almost everything in my life. So long a life i have lived, can just breeze through my mind in an hour of journey home. I went the way you used to take to send me home. Just like a video tape, everything replayed before me, which seemed so real. The same breeze, the same view, everything on the outside looks exactly the same besides one missing person which changed all that's going on inside, inside my heart and entire being. sending me home, such an ordinary thing to do, yet never failed to make me feel blissful, so... just simply happy. The empty space beside me, the empty feeling in my heart. I saw this spot, where you used to kiss me goodbye, right beside the elevator. Don't you remember? The feelings and everything? i just stared at that spot, for maybe a good 5 minutes? just remembering. Then i went to sit at a bench, lied down, and stared up to the sky. So dramatic, but i was playing this song: Right Here Waiting. Perhaps, this song really feels like it. I was waiting AND hoping. The light music and breeze, the sky which was so beautiful, the words that stood out from the song: Oceans apart, day after day... And i slowly go insane...i took for granted, all the times that i thought would last SOMEHOW... So i stared at the clouds, slowly moving away, the day slowly passing, as i go further away from the days we were together. The tears just flowed, just like that, they flowed out silently, my face did not twitch at all, the tears just flowed and flowed.
*sighs deeply* well, i dont have any conclusion for like my day today all my feelings, i just feel so numb, so dead. Like, im not crying anymore just typing and typing. Fortunately for me, with the swollen eyes and rotten mood, my parents are both not around. Something that is actually quite saddening and actually funny, my brother actually was desperate when he saw me crying he said: why is everyone crying today? three of my friends just broke up...
So... is today a cursed day? everyone heart breaks... but on the bright side, my heart didnt really hurt as much as some other times, where i barely could breathe.
I'm listening to the song as i type this post, actually, writing makes me feel better but i guess it isn't really enjoyable for my readers. My sincere apologies alright, it was just a reall terrible day. Just very bad.
How many of you actually felt so sad before? I wish nobody had, because i dont wish such a horrible thing on anyone at all, not even people i hate...
I am still actually sweetly hoping that maybe, my prayers would me answered, my wishes would come true, my dreams will be alive and real, and you will be here again.

**Perhaps this is what the stories meant when they called somebody heartsick. Your heart and your stomach and your whole insides felt hollow and empty and aching.**

** loving a person despite the pain he brought to you**

**Tears are words the mouth can't say nor can the heart bare**

**And maybe i deserve better, and maybe i could find better. but what's amazing is, despite knowing that... i still want nothing else... but...You.**

22 February 2013
Singapore